1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205
206
207
208
209
210
211
212
213
214
215
216
217
218
219
220
221
222
223
224
225
226
227
228
229
230
231
232
233
234
235
236
237
238
239
240
241
242
243
244
245
246
247
248
249
250
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365
366
367
368
369
370
371
372
373
374
375
376
377
378
379
380
381
382
383
384
385
386
387
388
389
390
391
|
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<title>CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear? (Preceding Canon)</title>
<meta charset="utf-8">
<link rel="stylesheet" href="style.css">
</head>
<body>
<nav>
<span><a href="index.html">Index</a></span>
<span><a href="chapter8.html">Previous</a></span>
<span><a href="chapter10.html">Next</a></span>
<time datetime="2020-05-19">05/19/2020</time>
</nav>
<article>
<h1>CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?</h1>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0236.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: (Where is he?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0237.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (The...)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0238.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (What else?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Hrm...)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (It could work.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (And I can't risk that.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (No... no, I'll have to stick to an ordinary eulogy.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (As ordinary as it can be, under the circumstances.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Alright, let's see.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ahoy over there!</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0239.gif">
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0240.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jake">JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: In a word: awfully.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ah.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Jesus christ.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead?</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Um...</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Could i have that once more, sans the raci--</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: I mean,</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: In laymans terms?</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Sigh.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Jake,</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Im not sure i understand.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: This is politics, Jakey.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Work to which I need to return this instant.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Right you are.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: I um... brought you some coffee?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ill just... put it down... here...</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Dude, the bowl.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Hm?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Oh, right.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: What is it now, Jake.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: You mean the prisoner.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Y...es.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0241.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: Well, go on then.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: She's over in the corner.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: I've seen to that already.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0242.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jake">JAKE: Here you are.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Well,</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Bon appetit.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0243.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Bon appetit.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Seriously dude?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?)</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Jake.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: All I'm saying is that this is full-blown, bona fide evil minion behavior you're getting up to.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (Well whose confounded idea was it for me to come back in the first place, brain ghost dirk?)</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.)</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Patience, Jake.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Rome didn't fall in a day.</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: Besides, are we really going to hash this out now, in front of dear, sweet Yiffany?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (No, i guess youre right.)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: What are you mumbling about over there?</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Ah, nothing dearest!</p>
<p class="dirk">DIRK: "Dearest."</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: (Oh shut up!!!)</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: If you're finished, I'd appreciate being left to my work.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: ... Of course, dearest.</p>
<p class="jake">JAKE: Good night.</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0244.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: ...</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0245.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: !!!</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0246.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.</p>
</div>
<div class="wide">
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0247.gif">
</div>
<div class="chat">
<p class="yiffy">YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR...</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh no you don't.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0248.gif">
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0249.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="yiffy">YIFFY: GRRR *BZZT* RRRR *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAWW *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT*</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Are you done?</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0250.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="yiffy">YIFFY: ...</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: That's more like it.</p>
</div>
<div class="wide">
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0251.gif">
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0252.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: That truce is over.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Do I make myself understood?</p>
<p class="yiffy">YIFFY: ...</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Hmph.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Out cold.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Maybe I should reduce the voltage a trifle.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0253.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0254.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0255.gif">
<div class="chat" id="hoo-hoo">
<p class="jane">JANE: Night night.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Hoo hoo.</p>
</div>
<div class="command yiffy">
<span>(Yiffy:)</span>
<div>> (Yiffy: Lights out.)</div>
</div>
<div class="wide" id="lights-out">
<img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0256.gif">
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat tg-harry ag-vrissy">
<p>-- thespiansGlamor <span class="tg">[TG]</span> began pestering adamantGriftress <span class="ag">[AG]</span> --</p>
<p> </p>
<p class="tg">TG: hey.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: are you awake?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: this rebellion bunk is killing my back.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: well, i guess it is pretty late.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: gnight.</p>
<p>-- thespiansGlamor <span class="tg">[TG]</span> is now an idle chum! --</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I'm aw8ke.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I was just Talking to Tav for a 8it.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: oh, is goody two shoes awake too?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet!</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Lol.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I know how he feels.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: today was a lot.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: do you wanna talk about it?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Ugh, not you as well.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: huh?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: That was all Tavvy could think to say.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Here, I'll copy and p8ste it word for word.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: GG: Do you,,, want to talk about it,,,?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: nooooooooooo.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: this is the hardest i've ever been owned in my life, probably.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Hahaha.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: but seriously, do you?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Not really.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: not even about... you know?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: her?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: No.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ... are you sure?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: A8solutely.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: What are you, my moirail?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Just leave it, Harry.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ok.</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat ag-vrissy gg-tavros">
<p>-- adamantGriftress <span class="ag">[AG]</span> began pestering glutinousGymnast <span class="gg">[GG]</span> --</p>
<p> </p>
<p class="ag">AG: Hey.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Vrissy,,, its the middle of the night,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Oh, quit whining.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It's not like I woke you up, right?</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Well,,, no,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: But thats beside the point,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Weve got a big day tomorrow,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: And today was,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: A bit of an ordeal,,, to say the least,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Yeah.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: You can say Th8t again.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Do you,,, want to talk about it,,,?</p>
<p class="gg">GG: ,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Hello,,,?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I was just t8lking to Harry for a moment. Chill.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Oh,,, okay,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: I didnt know he was still up,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Its been awfully quiet on the top bunk,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: You two are Sharing, right?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I 8et that's weird.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Hah,,, it is a little,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Not even for a slumber party,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat ag-vrissy tg-harry">
<p class="ag">AG: So anyway, what's keeping You up, nerd?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Things worked out Pretty Well for you tod8y, huh.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: well, i dunno about that.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Oh Come On, I saw how happy you were when your dad mentioned spending some Time Together.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It was...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: was...?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Ugh.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It was Cute, 8lright????????</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: dude, no.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: nothing about my dad is cute.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: what are you even saying.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Lmao.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: seriously!</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: He's a strange and funny m8n.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i think something bad must have happened.</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat ag-vrissy gg-tavros">
<p class="ag">AG: I just don't understand why they didn't TELL anyone a8out it!</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Uh huh,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I mean, it's ins8ne!</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It doesn't m8ke even the slightest 8it of fucking sense.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: They just went 8ehind everyone's backs and had a secret child, and NO8ODY knew about it?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Except for the fucking 8atterwitch, apparently????????</p>
<p class="gg">GG: ,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it!</p>
<p class="ag">AG: That made me madder than 8nything else.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad!</p>
<p class="gg">GG: I dont think thats true,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: What would you know a8out it?!</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Maybe nothing,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Sorry,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Its just,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,,</p>
<p class="ag">AG: ...</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Adults are so fucking weird.</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat tg-harry ag-vrissy">
<p class="tg">TG: i saw the adults a little while ago when i snuck out to get some water.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: That's nothing unusual.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: It was probably Str8tegic 8usiness for tomorrow.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i thought that too, at first. but they were the only ones there.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: and something didn't look right.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: the mood was serious, yes, but...</p>
<p class="ag">AG: What were they doing?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: well, aunt rose and aunt jade were sitting either side of dad and the three of them were sort of huddled together.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: they didn't notice me, they all had their backs turned.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: almost like she couldn't bear to.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: so i just went straight back to bed. i forgot to get the water in the end.</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Hm.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: that's not the only strange thing, though.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i mean, have you seen uncle dave recently?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: Th8t old loser?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: No.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: right.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: doesn't that strike you as odd?</p>
<p class="ag">AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz</p>
<p class="tg">TG: vrissy?</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="chat tg-harry gg-tavros">
<p>-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering glutinousGymnast [GG] --</p>
<p> </p>
<p class="tg">TG: hey, tav.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: are you still talking to vrissy down there?</p>
<p class="gg">GG: No,,, im not,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: I was until a short while ago,,,</p>
<p class="tg">TG: oh, huh.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,,</p>
<p class="gg">GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,,</p>
<p class="tg">TG: hehe.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: i guess that tracks.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: she does that from time to time.</p>
<p class="gg">GG: We should probably try and sleep too,,, harry anderson,,,</p>
<p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p>
<p class="tg">TG: ...</p>
<p class="tg">TG: tav?</p>
<p class="gg">GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,?</p>
<p class="tg">TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?</p>
</div>
<div id="close">
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
</div>
<p class="command-line">> <a href="chapter10.html">CHAPTER 10. 1 WOND3R WH4T TH3Y T4ST3 L1K3</a></p>
</article>
<script src="color-conversion-algorithms.js"></script>
<script src="interpolate.js"></script>
<script src="chapter9.js"></script>
</body>
</html>
|
