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diff --git a/chapter9.html b/chapter9.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..81e0b91 --- /dev/null +++ b/chapter9.html @@ -0,0 +1,391 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html> + <head> + <title>CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear? (Preceding Canon)</title> + <meta charset="utf-8"> + <link rel="stylesheet" href="style.css"> + </head> + <body> + <nav> + <span><a href="index.html">Index</a></span> + <span><a href="chapter8.html">Previous</a></span> + <span><a href="chapter10.html">Next</a></span> + <time datetime="2020-05-19">05/19/2020</time> + </nav> + <article> + <h1>CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?</h1> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0236.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Where is he?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0237.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (The...)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0238.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (What else?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Hrm...)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (It could work.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (And I can't risk that.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (No... no, I'll have to stick to an ordinary eulogy.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (As ordinary as it can be, under the circumstances.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Alright, let's see.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Ahoy over there!</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0239.gif"> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0240.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: In a word: awfully.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Ah.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture.</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Jesus christ.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead?</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Um...</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Could i have that once more, sans the raci--</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: I mean,</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: In laymans terms?</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Sigh.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Jake,</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Im not sure i understand.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: This is politics, Jakey.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Work to which I need to return this instant.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Right you are.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: I um... brought you some coffee?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Ill just... put it down... here...</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Dude, the bowl.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Hm?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Oh, right.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: What is it now, Jake.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: You mean the prisoner.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Y...es.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0241.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: Well, go on then.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: She's over in the corner.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: I've seen to that already.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0242.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Here you are.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: ...</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Well,</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Bon appetit.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0243.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Bon appetit.</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Seriously dude?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?)</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Jake.</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: All I'm saying is that this is full-blown, bona fide evil minion behavior you're getting up to.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (Well whose confounded idea was it for me to come back in the first place, brain ghost dirk?)</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.)</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Patience, Jake.</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Rome didn't fall in a day.</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: Besides, are we really going to hash this out now, in front of dear, sweet Yiffany?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (No, i guess youre right.)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: What are you mumbling about over there?</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Ah, nothing dearest!</p> + <p class="dirk">DIRK: "Dearest."</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: (Oh shut up!!!)</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: If you're finished, I'd appreciate being left to my work.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: ... Of course, dearest.</p> + <p class="jake">JAKE: Good night.</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0244.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: ...</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0245.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: !!!</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0246.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.</p> + </div> + <div class="wide"> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0247.gif"> + </div> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="yiffy">YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR...</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Oh no you don't.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0248.gif"> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0249.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="yiffy">YIFFY: GRRR *BZZT* RRRR *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAAA *BZZT* AAWW *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT* OOOO *BZZT*</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Are you done?</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0250.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="yiffy">YIFFY: ...</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: That's more like it.</p> + </div> + <div class="wide"> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0251.gif"> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0252.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: That truce is over.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Do I make myself understood?</p> + <p class="yiffy">YIFFY: ...</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Hmph.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Out cold.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Maybe I should reduce the voltage a trifle.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0253.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0254.gif"> + <div class="chat"> + <p class="jane">JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.</p> + </div> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0255.gif"> + <div class="chat" id="hoo-hoo"> + <p class="jane">JANE: Night night.</p> + <p class="jane">JANE: Hoo hoo.</p> + </div> + <div class="command yiffy"> + <span>(Yiffy:)</span> + <div>> (Yiffy: Lights out.)</div> + </div> + <div class="wide" id="lights-out"> + <img class="panel" src="https://www.homestuck2.com/assets/panels/0256.gif"> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat tg-harry ag-vrissy"> + <p>-- thespiansGlamor <span class="tg">[TG]</span> began pestering adamantGriftress <span class="ag">[AG]</span> --</p> + <p> </p> + <p class="tg">TG: hey.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: are you awake?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: this rebellion bunk is killing my back.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: well, i guess it is pretty late.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: gnight.</p> + <p>-- thespiansGlamor <span class="tg">[TG]</span> is now an idle chum! --</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I'm aw8ke.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I was just Talking to Tav for a 8it.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: oh, is goody two shoes awake too?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet!</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Lol.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I know how he feels.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: today was a lot.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: do you wanna talk about it?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Ugh, not you as well.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: huh?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: That was all Tavvy could think to say.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Here, I'll copy and p8ste it word for word.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: GG: Do you,,, want to talk about it,,,?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: nooooooooooo.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: this is the hardest i've ever been owned in my life, probably.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Hahaha.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: but seriously, do you?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Not really.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: not even about... you know?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: her?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: No.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ... are you sure?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: A8solutely.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: What are you, my moirail?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Just leave it, Harry.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ok.</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat ag-vrissy gg-tavros"> + <p>-- adamantGriftress <span class="ag">[AG]</span> began pestering glutinousGymnast <span class="gg">[GG]</span> --</p> + <p> </p> + <p class="ag">AG: Hey.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Vrissy,,, its the middle of the night,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Oh, quit whining.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It's not like I woke you up, right?</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Well,,, no,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: But thats beside the point,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Weve got a big day tomorrow,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: And today was,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: A bit of an ordeal,,, to say the least,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Yeah.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: You can say Th8t again.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Do you,,, want to talk about it,,,?</p> + <p class="gg">GG: ,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Hello,,,?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I was just t8lking to Harry for a moment. Chill.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Oh,,, okay,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: I didnt know he was still up,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Its been awfully quiet on the top bunk,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: You two are Sharing, right?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I 8et that's weird.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Hah,,, it is a little,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Not even for a slumber party,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat ag-vrissy tg-harry"> + <p class="ag">AG: So anyway, what's keeping You up, nerd?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Things worked out Pretty Well for you tod8y, huh.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: well, i dunno about that.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Oh Come On, I saw how happy you were when your dad mentioned spending some Time Together.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It was...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: was...?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Ugh.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It was Cute, 8lright????????</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: dude, no.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: nothing about my dad is cute.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: what are you even saying.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Lmao.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: seriously!</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: He's a strange and funny m8n.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i think something bad must have happened.</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat ag-vrissy gg-tavros"> + <p class="ag">AG: I just don't understand why they didn't TELL anyone a8out it!</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Uh huh,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I mean, it's ins8ne!</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It doesn't m8ke even the slightest 8it of fucking sense.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: They just went 8ehind everyone's backs and had a secret child, and NO8ODY knew about it?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Except for the fucking 8atterwitch, apparently????????</p> + <p class="gg">GG: ,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it!</p> + <p class="ag">AG: That made me madder than 8nything else.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad!</p> + <p class="gg">GG: I dont think thats true,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: What would you know a8out it?!</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Maybe nothing,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Sorry,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Its just,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,,</p> + <p class="ag">AG: ...</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Adults are so fucking weird.</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat tg-harry ag-vrissy"> + <p class="tg">TG: i saw the adults a little while ago when i snuck out to get some water.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: That's nothing unusual.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: It was probably Str8tegic 8usiness for tomorrow.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i thought that too, at first. but they were the only ones there.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: and something didn't look right.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: the mood was serious, yes, but...</p> + <p class="ag">AG: What were they doing?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: well, aunt rose and aunt jade were sitting either side of dad and the three of them were sort of huddled together.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: they didn't notice me, they all had their backs turned.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: almost like she couldn't bear to.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: so i just went straight back to bed. i forgot to get the water in the end.</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Hm.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: that's not the only strange thing, though.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i mean, have you seen uncle dave recently?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: Th8t old loser?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: No.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: right.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: doesn't that strike you as odd?</p> + <p class="ag">AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz</p> + <p class="tg">TG: vrissy?</p> + </div> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <div class="chat tg-harry gg-tavros"> + <p>-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering glutinousGymnast [GG] --</p> + <p> </p> + <p class="tg">TG: hey, tav.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: are you still talking to vrissy down there?</p> + <p class="gg">GG: No,,, im not,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: I was until a short while ago,,,</p> + <p class="tg">TG: oh, huh.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,,</p> + <p class="gg">GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,,</p> + <p class="tg">TG: hehe.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: i guess that tracks.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: she does that from time to time.</p> + <p class="gg">GG: We should probably try and sleep too,,, harry anderson,,,</p> + <p class="tg">TG: yeah.</p> + <p class="tg">TG: ...</p> + <p class="tg">TG: tav?</p> + <p class="gg">GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,?</p> + <p class="tg">TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?</p> + </div> + <div id="close"> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + <p> </p> + </div> + <p class="command-line">> <a href="chapter10.html">CHAPTER 10. 1 WOND3R WH4T TH3Y T4ST3 L1K3</a></p> + </article> + <script src="color-conversion-algorithms.js"></script> + <script src="interpolate.js"></script> + <script src="chapter9.js"></script> + </body> +</html> |