1 files changed, 138 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md b/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0a82864
--- /dev/null
+++ b/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md
@@ -0,0 +1,138 @@
+
+    title: "On socialization, and such"
+    permalink: '16-on-socialization'
+    date: {m: 6, d: 27, y: 2017}
+    categories:
+    - 'text'
+
+---
+
+# On socialization, and such
+
+## An issue
+
+Say I've got a friend online who sent a message to me. It'd be something
+simple, just like, "Hi!"
+
+Okay, this message was sent.. half an hour ago. I missed it, because I wasn't
+on Discord or Twitter or email or whatever their client of choice was. Oops.
+Now I've got two options:
+
+* **Respond!** Duh, one of my friends said hi, so I'll say hi back.
+
+* **Procrastinate.** Wait, what? Well, they sent the message half an hour ago..
+  so it's not *that* bad if I don't get back to them right now.. hold on, why
+  am I even thinking about this? But still..
+
+Alright, so, I imagine most people would go with the first option. Right?
+Because it makes *sense* to go and respond when someone says hi, plus typically
+conversations are good, anyways. They're enjoyable!
+
+..But I procrastinate. I know it's true that having a casual discussion with
+someone is basically always good, but I choose to wait, anyways?
+
+And I'm not even *doing* anything! At that point in time I'm probably just
+sitting around, doing nothing of particular interest. I *know* it'd be more fun
+(and productive) to have a chat. But I delay it, for some reason?
+
+And this is consistently something true of me.
+
+* I got an idea to work on a project with somebody the previous day.. and now,
+  even though I know I'd still like to work on that project with them, I delay.
+
+* One of my friends said hello a while earlier. I choose to ignore them.
+
+* One of my friends said hello *now*, while I'm online. It's a lot less easy
+  to ignore someone when they're talking to you while you're basically present,
+  so, you know, I go and respond ("Hi!"), but there's still a bit of a feeling
+  of "no, no, hold on, ugh."
+
+  (This is true for whenever I'm talking to someone in a direct/private
+  message online, mind you. It's not just some one person in particular!)
+
+* We've got visitors; they only visit once or twice a year, so it's pretty
+  special for both us and them. But before they arrive, there's a little
+  feeling of dread.. even though I know their visits are always completely
+  enjoyable! Once they get here, though, that feeling disappears.
+
+  (Again, this is true for *any* visitors. Some people had come from quite
+  far away - across an ocean, in fact! - to visit us, and, you know, that
+  feeling of uncertainty (I guess?), before they arrived was still there.)
+
+It doesn't even have to be related to socializing, actually. Drawing art is
+another example of when this is an issue for me. I *know* I enjoy drawing!
+And yet I procrastinate. It doesn't seem to me like there's any *reason* to
+delay the inevitable *enjoyment* I'll get out of making a piece of art,
+especially when I tend to delay many other unrelated things I also enjoy.
+
+I know this is also a problem for others. It certainly doesn't seem like it's
+an issue for *most* others, though!
+
+I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. It's frustrating, because it *is* a
+bit of a real problem for me. It seriously does get in the way of my drawing -
+it's definitely the reason I haven't made much of any art in the last few
+weeks. It's gotten in the way of lots of projects I want to work on, with
+myself, or with others.
+
+
+## Internet ritual
+
+Open your browser. Check what's new on Twitter. Check if anybody's uploaded an
+interesting video to YouTube. Catch up with Facebook. Check the notifications
+you've got on any forum you browse. See what people are up to on that one
+subreddit. (Maybe even check the /new section.)
+
+Doing what you want to, doing what you need to, socializing - it's all hard.
+Procrastination is easy. Why would you bother doing something that takes any
+effort or willpower when you could do something that *doesn't?*
+
+And it's *so* easy. One option is tough; one isn't. *You* don't even need to
+make the choice consciously; chances are your brain will for you. And then go
+with that, right?
+
+Chances are you don't even *want* to do that one thing you claim you do. Oh,
+yeah! You know how there's that one person that just messaged you? And how
+you've meant to talk to them? ..But you don't. Responding is hard. You tell
+yourself you enjoy discussing things with people.. but that's not a simple
+task; do you *really* enjoy it?
+
+Procrastinate, instead.
+
+Maybe don't even respond at all.
+
+
+## Or not?
+
+It's not easy to get out of those thoughts. You've literally already convinced
+yourself that it'd just be easier to stick to procrastinating, to stick to that
+consistently easy, simple, internet ritual. They aren't even always conscious
+thoughts; it's just, "oh, hmm, may as well check what's new!"
+
+But they're *intrusive.* Obviously they do get in the way of your life, and the
+things you *do* enjoy. Before talking to someone, it's easy to convince
+yourself that you don't really enjoy it. But you clearly *do* like talking to
+people; it's quite possible that you've talked to this very person before, and
+enjoyed it!
+
+They get in the way of doing other things, too, of course - why create
+something when it's so much easier to just.. not? And yet I *do* love drawing
+things! It's the best feeling I get!
+
+It's now been a week since I wrote the first section of this post. The other
+day I was talking to a friend of mine about all this; that lead to me making
+the decision to kill the so-called internet ritual as best I could. So I've
+been working on that, myself.
+
+Will that magically solve all my problems? Will it make talking to people much
+easier, suddenly? Probably not! But maybe it'll help. I *think* it will; it's
+been somewhat helpful so far. I've gotten a bit better at following my basic
+goals since I did, and I think I've also felt a little better about myself i
+general.
+
+Call it all a placebo effect if it is, but I guess it's enough, anyways. If I'm
+feeling better about myself and finding it easier to do what I want and need
+to, it's working. Who knows how it'll go from here?
+
+(PS, while writing the later parts of this, I've been listening to
+[Dief](https://c418.bandcamp.com/album/dief), which I've found to be shockingly
+appropriate background music for this post!)