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author | Florrie <towerofnix@gmail.com> | 2018-06-05 19:53:57 -0300 |
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committer | Florrie <towerofnix@gmail.com> | 2018-06-05 19:53:57 -0300 |
commit | 8592e25b4d36a83ca1c81d49e24c12e0315085cb (patch) | |
tree | ad1bff1438cbe7f6db624fec581267332e9d3521 /site/posts/16-on-socialization.md |
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diff --git a/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md b/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0a82864 --- /dev/null +++ b/site/posts/16-on-socialization.md @@ -0,0 +1,138 @@ + + title: "On socialization, and such" + permalink: '16-on-socialization' + date: {m: 6, d: 27, y: 2017} + categories: + - 'text' + +--- + +# On socialization, and such + +## An issue + +Say I've got a friend online who sent a message to me. It'd be something +simple, just like, "Hi!" + +Okay, this message was sent.. half an hour ago. I missed it, because I wasn't +on Discord or Twitter or email or whatever their client of choice was. Oops. +Now I've got two options: + +* **Respond!** Duh, one of my friends said hi, so I'll say hi back. + +* **Procrastinate.** Wait, what? Well, they sent the message half an hour ago.. + so it's not *that* bad if I don't get back to them right now.. hold on, why + am I even thinking about this? But still.. + +Alright, so, I imagine most people would go with the first option. Right? +Because it makes *sense* to go and respond when someone says hi, plus typically +conversations are good, anyways. They're enjoyable! + +..But I procrastinate. I know it's true that having a casual discussion with +someone is basically always good, but I choose to wait, anyways? + +And I'm not even *doing* anything! At that point in time I'm probably just +sitting around, doing nothing of particular interest. I *know* it'd be more fun +(and productive) to have a chat. But I delay it, for some reason? + +And this is consistently something true of me. + +* I got an idea to work on a project with somebody the previous day.. and now, + even though I know I'd still like to work on that project with them, I delay. + +* One of my friends said hello a while earlier. I choose to ignore them. + +* One of my friends said hello *now*, while I'm online. It's a lot less easy + to ignore someone when they're talking to you while you're basically present, + so, you know, I go and respond ("Hi!"), but there's still a bit of a feeling + of "no, no, hold on, ugh." + + (This is true for whenever I'm talking to someone in a direct/private + message online, mind you. It's not just some one person in particular!) + +* We've got visitors; they only visit once or twice a year, so it's pretty + special for both us and them. But before they arrive, there's a little + feeling of dread.. even though I know their visits are always completely + enjoyable! Once they get here, though, that feeling disappears. + + (Again, this is true for *any* visitors. Some people had come from quite + far away - across an ocean, in fact! - to visit us, and, you know, that + feeling of uncertainty (I guess?), before they arrived was still there.) + +It doesn't even have to be related to socializing, actually. Drawing art is +another example of when this is an issue for me. I *know* I enjoy drawing! +And yet I procrastinate. It doesn't seem to me like there's any *reason* to +delay the inevitable *enjoyment* I'll get out of making a piece of art, +especially when I tend to delay many other unrelated things I also enjoy. + +I know this is also a problem for others. It certainly doesn't seem like it's +an issue for *most* others, though! + +I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. It's frustrating, because it *is* a +bit of a real problem for me. It seriously does get in the way of my drawing - +it's definitely the reason I haven't made much of any art in the last few +weeks. It's gotten in the way of lots of projects I want to work on, with +myself, or with others. + + +## Internet ritual + +Open your browser. Check what's new on Twitter. Check if anybody's uploaded an +interesting video to YouTube. Catch up with Facebook. Check the notifications +you've got on any forum you browse. See what people are up to on that one +subreddit. (Maybe even check the /new section.) + +Doing what you want to, doing what you need to, socializing - it's all hard. +Procrastination is easy. Why would you bother doing something that takes any +effort or willpower when you could do something that *doesn't?* + +And it's *so* easy. One option is tough; one isn't. *You* don't even need to +make the choice consciously; chances are your brain will for you. And then go +with that, right? + +Chances are you don't even *want* to do that one thing you claim you do. Oh, +yeah! You know how there's that one person that just messaged you? And how +you've meant to talk to them? ..But you don't. Responding is hard. You tell +yourself you enjoy discussing things with people.. but that's not a simple +task; do you *really* enjoy it? + +Procrastinate, instead. + +Maybe don't even respond at all. + + +## Or not? + +It's not easy to get out of those thoughts. You've literally already convinced +yourself that it'd just be easier to stick to procrastinating, to stick to that +consistently easy, simple, internet ritual. They aren't even always conscious +thoughts; it's just, "oh, hmm, may as well check what's new!" + +But they're *intrusive.* Obviously they do get in the way of your life, and the +things you *do* enjoy. Before talking to someone, it's easy to convince +yourself that you don't really enjoy it. But you clearly *do* like talking to +people; it's quite possible that you've talked to this very person before, and +enjoyed it! + +They get in the way of doing other things, too, of course - why create +something when it's so much easier to just.. not? And yet I *do* love drawing +things! It's the best feeling I get! + +It's now been a week since I wrote the first section of this post. The other +day I was talking to a friend of mine about all this; that lead to me making +the decision to kill the so-called internet ritual as best I could. So I've +been working on that, myself. + +Will that magically solve all my problems? Will it make talking to people much +easier, suddenly? Probably not! But maybe it'll help. I *think* it will; it's +been somewhat helpful so far. I've gotten a bit better at following my basic +goals since I did, and I think I've also felt a little better about myself i +general. + +Call it all a placebo effect if it is, but I guess it's enough, anyways. If I'm +feeling better about myself and finding it easier to do what I want and need +to, it's working. Who knows how it'll go from here? + +(PS, while writing the later parts of this, I've been listening to +[Dief](https://c418.bandcamp.com/album/dief), which I've found to be shockingly +appropriate background music for this post!) |