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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<title>CHAPTER 2. Clown Logistics (Preceding Canon)</title>
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<time datetime="2019-12-24">12/24/2019</time>
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<article>
<h1>CHAPTER 2. Clown Logistics</h1>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/57.gif">
<p>Minutes in the past, but not many, (Vriska) pockets John’s phone before she can worry too much about waiting for a reply from Terezi.</p>
<p>Wait, not John’s phone, she thinks. Her phone. Yeah. If she’s gonna hack it here on this piece of shit planet, she’s gonna need every break she can catch. It’s time to start staking some claims.</p>
<p>In the spirit of that, she looks back at Vriska, still politely leaning against the clown’s corpse, ignoring her. (Vriska) swallows, thankful to not have to verbalize her appreciation for the distance she was just granted.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): So, a8out there 8eing two of us.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/58.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Vriska grins up at her, shielding her eyes from the sun. She is a poised, lipstick’d reflection of the unkempt original. (Vriska) is suddenly acutely aware of the dirt ground into her clothes and face. She flexes her hand and the dried purple blood cracks and flakes.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISKA: What a8out it?</p>
<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Yeah, I’m not feeling very parenthetical.</p>
<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): I’m gonna need to 8e Vriska again.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISKA: Fine 8y me, 8ut we can’t 8oth just go around 8eing Vriska.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISKA: If you want to keep Hanging Out, I mean. Which I assume you Do.</p>
<p class="vriska">(VRISKA): Duh!!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISKA: That’s the Right Call.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISKA: So, Nickname me, 8itch. And make it Cute.</p>
</div>
<p>(Vriska) considers her options. She needs something good, but not TOO good.</p>
<p>What will her nickname be?</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/59.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>In her final act before shredding the parentheses like old skin, she extends her hand down to pull up her double.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Nice to meet you, Vrissy.</p>
</div>
<p>Vrissy smirks and takes Vriska’s hand, letting herself get pulled to her feet.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Fuck yeah, I Love it.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: So now that we have that locked down, what’s First on the list of Awesome Shit we’re gonna do Together?</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Well...I know I just got done telling you not to talk a8out it, 8ut we should pro8a8ly do something a8out this 8ody.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah, I guess we shouldn’t just leave a dead 8eloved Religious Figurehead laying around in the 8ushes, even if he Sucks Shit.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Especially if he’s Rich Auntie Crocker’s Right Hand Clown.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Well, What do you think????????? I don’t know shit a8out this place, and we need to move fast.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Know any good cullpits?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: I told you already, I don’t ever get up to Anything nearly as Interesting as you did.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Till now ;;;;)</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Heh. Yeah.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Anyway, I have some People I can call. Hold on.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/60.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Hey, it’s Vrissy.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: w,, who,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Vriska?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah, but Vrissy is a Thing now. Roll with it.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Okay, uh,, Vrissy,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: We kinda Need a Ride</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: We,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah just some other people, no 8ig Deal.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: ::::(</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Are we,, acquainted,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah you know them, in a Way.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I’m,,,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: What does that mean,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: What do you mean what does that mean? It means turn off the Fucking Autopilot and get to speeding on over here to Find Out ;]</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: ::::)</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Okay, I’ll leave presently,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Oh,, where am I going,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah yeah, I’ll send you the address. See you Soon.</p>
</div>
<p>Vrissy puts the phone in her back pocket and settles her hand on her cocked hip.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: That was Tavros. He’s on his way.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/61.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Vriska flinches instinctively. She’s still working on processing her most recent blast from the past. She’s not prepared for another.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Who?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Oh, right, yeah. Not the one you knew Back in the Day. This Tavros is Jane and Jake Crocker’s kid. He’s human.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: He’s got a Car and will do Wh8ver I Say, so he’s the Right Person to call.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, okay.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Wait.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Unless he’ll rat us out to his mom????????</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Nah. He’ll get too much of a Kick out of seeing this dead Piece of Shit, don’t Worry.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/62.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Vriska doesn’t worry, but she does pace. She has only done a few laps around the perimeter by the time the hovercar glides up silently.</p>
<p>Vrissy hates that ostentatious prick-mobile, mostly because it is not her ostentatious prick-mobile. But you do get what you pay for, and a rich kid’s mom’s attempt to buy his love may actually come in handy for something other than very quietly chauffeuring his friends around, now that actual spy shit seems like it is about to go down.</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/63.gif" loading="lazy">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/64.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>He barely has time to shut the door before he spots Gamzee and yelps, flinging himself dramatically back against it.</p>
<p>Both Vriskas speak at once:</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Hey, It’s cool, we’re cool, we just have to-</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Wait, I should introduce Vriska-</p>
</div>
<p>Tavros yelps louder.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: OH,,, ah, there appears to be two of you,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: And one less of,,, uh,,,, him,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: These are normal things you expect to happen, when you are picking up your kismesis and her,,,, ah,,, new friends,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Okay, so it’s like this: Uncle Gamzee’s Dead. 8eat up alt universe me--</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: HEY!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Who is VERY Cool and Sexy with her Eyepatch--</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Heyyyyyyyy.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: --Killed him, and we need your Wheels to hide the 8ody 8efore your Mom finds out and has her, I mean all of us, Murdered.</p>
</div>
<p>Tavros says nothing. His eyes flit from Vrissy to Vriska to Gamzee, and then shut. Everyone is still. Tavros’s thin chest rises and falls.</p>
<p>After a few beats, he propels himself off the car like a swimmer at the sound of a gun, his body plunging in a graceful arc toward his goal.</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/65.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>His fists don’t do more than thunk a brief, ineffectual staccato against Gamzee’s ribcage, but the sound that rips from him is like years of suppressed screams, all unleashed in one reverberating howl of anguish. It nearly smothers the one small noise made by Tavros’ single kick to his dead stepclown’s head:</p>
<p>h o n k</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/66.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Vrissy and Vriska don’t know fully what it is he is feeling, but they stay back and let him feel it. They don’t intervene until he stands up on his own, wiping his palms against the tears on his cheeks. Vrissy pats him solidly on the back.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Fuck that guy, am I right?</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I am in no place to 8egrudge a man his cathartic ass-kicking moment, but that was a loud fucking scream.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: No kidding. My ears are STILL ringing from your 8ig attempt at breaking the sound 8arrier.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, yeah. It was impressive, he loved kicking dead clown ass just like you thought, wh8tever.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: That’s all good, but the point is we need to hit the 8ricks 8efore someone comes over to try and award us with the loudest squealers award.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Yes, you’re quite right,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: the both of you</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Soooooooo, the trunk?</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/67.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Vrissy and Vriska get under each arm, with Tavros piloting his legs. He fumbles a bit, trying to lift his chin to make eye contact with his companions.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Pleasure to meet you,, Vriska,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: So sorry to have skipped that, um,, step,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I got, ah,,, bit caught up in the moment,</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I appreciate your patience,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I would say “anytime,” but let’s just get through this and never move a corpse again, yeah?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Yes,</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/68.gif" loading="lazy">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/69.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Tavros sighs. Sometimes, he thinks, you might have had different things in mind for your day, or your life. You may have wanted something else for your ol’ uncle clown, even if what that could even have even been is buried under too many faygo-sticky years to begin unearthing it. You may, he decides as he steps toward where Gamzee’s head has lolled backward against the bumper, just simply wake up one morning and have to play the final clown hand you have been dealt. And mayhap that clown hand is dead and in your trunk, and though you are not responsible for it being there, nor are you completely ready to deal with the emotional repercussions of its presence, you still have to figure out what to do with the physical and legal reality of it. And all that, with what feels like the eyes of the world on you, even if it is just the 9 eyes of your girlfriend and her alt-self.</p>
<p>He feels a sudden rush of hot, stifling...something. He refuses, this time, to call it fear. He’s got to cool down. Stay steady. He pulls his sweater over his head and tosses it into the trunk too.</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/70.gif" loading="lazy">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/71.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Not far away, another human kid is attending human school in the heart of the human kingdom. He is walking through the halls toward his final class of the day like he owns the place, which he does not. He answers his phone without checking to see who is calling.</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/72.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: yo.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Hey</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: hey babe, what’s up?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Just wanted to keep you posted on the extremely Cool and Exciting Developments you’re missing out on!!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: hit me.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: The OG Vriska is in town, and she and Tavros and I are driving around trying to find somewhere to stash Gamzee’s corpse.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Vriska killed him.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Oh, and call me Vrissy, now.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: fuck, vrissy, that sounds a lot cooler than precalc.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: y’all know where you’re gonna hide him?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: No, that’s what we’re trying to Figure Out. Got any Ideas?</p>
</div>
<p>Harry Anderson knows Vriska--Vrissy--pretty well. And he knows a prank when he sees one. His dad told him like six hundred times that he comes from a long line of japers, which he believes even though the biological relatives he knows from his father’s side aren’t exactly comedians. There is no possible way that this stuff Vrissy is saying isn’t horeseshit, but he is not about to crack. She is elevating her game, here, and he is not about to be left behind.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: you know it, girl.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i have like three i’m cooking up right now.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: just tell tavros to bring y’all by the school, and i’ll have it all worked out by the time you get here.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Fuck yeah!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: I thought it might take more convincing to get you on 8oard. I’m glad to see you finally getting into the revolutionary spir8.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: anything for you, vris.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/73.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: We’re here, what now????????</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/74.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: ...</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: ...</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: ,,,</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/75.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: UGH what is taking him so long?</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I find him slow to respond,,, typically,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Yeah, not to me.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Why are we even waiting for him? We can just meet him inside.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: You said this was a schoolhive, yeah?</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: We can just dump it in the inciner8or. That’s pro8a8ly what his plan was to 8egin with.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: The what????????</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: The inciner8or. Like, for 8odies??</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: At SCHOOL????????</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yes?</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: It is somewhat pleasant to be reminded,,, in my darker moments,,,, that the grass is not really ever greener on Alternia,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Oh thank fuck he’s texting me 8ack.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat">
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: sorry babe, i’m still in class.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: bring him around to the back door, by the gym.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: i’ll meet you there when i can.</p>
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: don’t get caught ;*</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: When you can????????</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: That’s IT????????</p>
</div>
<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: I should have known he was fucking with us.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: GOD he is such a Stupid 8astard.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Wait, isn’t he your m8sprit? I thought this sickly motherfucker over here was your kismesis?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Oh my god, PLEASE stop talking like my Mom right now, I can’t fucking Think Str8!!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Ok, you’re right, who cares a8out these guys. Let’s just get this clown in the school.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: This place is dangerous, you’re right, 8ut not Inciner8or Dangerous.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: It’s human kingdom dangerous, Meaning dangerous for two living Trolls lugging around a dead one.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Tavros will 8e fine; he has Crocker Immunity, 8ut us...</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Also I don’t think Harry Anderson has a Real Plan.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Who cares? I’ve got this under control.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Anyway, I thought you wanted to do cool adventurous shit like me?</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Here’s your chance.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Low fucking 8low.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: It’s not a 8low, it’s an offer.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Come on Tavros, let’s do this thing, she’ll come if she wants.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Tavros, don’t listen to her.</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/76.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Righto,</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/77.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>The two of them struggle to manage the body between them. It was a lot easier with three.</p>
<p>Vrissy watches them from the passenger seat until it slides from their grip with 10 feet left to the fabled back door.</p>
<p>The back parking lot is empty, for now, but she knows it won’t stay that way. This is not going to end well, she can feel it. She can't tell if Tavros left because he was weak enough to be swayed by Vriska, or if it's because he's getting ballsy enough to enjoy telling Vrissy no. It pisses her off either way, and she can't lose that. Can’t lose him. And Vriska… her being around is something so new she doesn't know what to think about it yet, but if they die, she won't get a chance to figure it out. She sighs, pockets the keys, and opens the door.</p>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/78.gif" loading="lazy">
<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Welcome 8ack, 8a8e.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: I can’t stand watching you two fuck up this fucking 8ad.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Yes, please help us fuck up less,,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Gra8 his middle and let’s get moving.</p>
</div>
<p>They heave him up, stumbling only a little as they make it the rest of the way into the building.</p>
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<p>The halls are empty and heavy with anticipatory silence. There is only about an hour left in the school day, and the bored, restless energy shivers through the quiet in indiscernible whispers from behind closed classroom doors.</p>
<p>None of them know where they are going, but Vriska is leading the way, hunched and purposeful, Gamzee’s head against her shoulder, an arm around each horn like a yoke.</p>
<p>There is something incredibly reassuring, Tavros thinks, about someone who has absolute outward confidence in themselves. The soothing lull of following a simple direction is so overpowering it blots out the logical part of him that knows this is, perhaps, the most outlandishly stupid succession of decisions he has ever made. It also leaves a comforting buffer of reality between himself and Gamzee’s ugly pointy elf feet resting on his shoulder. But shucks, who knows, maybe there IS an incinerator. He’s homeschooled, so what does he know? And if anyone could be lucky enough to stumble upon one, it might as well be this Vriska.</p>
<p>Tavros is considering this when he hears something. It sounds like the creak of an underfunded public school door, but it could also have been a honk, or the beating of his own heart. He stops in his tracks.</p>
<p>Vriska and Vrissy do not.</p>
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<p>The aforementioned pointy shoe hooks Tavros by the neck on its way past him, pulling him to the floor. Vriska and Vrissy follow like bowling pins.</p>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Shit!!!!!!!!</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I’m ever so sorry,, the shoe,,,,,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: SHHHHHHHH, 8oth of you quit yelling, you fucking am8teurs!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: They’re gonna hear us if we don’t get moving NOW.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Ok, ok, i’m shushing. Let’s lift him up real high this time.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Yes,,, that sounds, uh,, safer,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Ok, on my count, we’re all picking him up.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: 1</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: 2</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Please,, don’t count all the way to eight,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Tavros, what the Fuck, man!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: We’re in a Hurry, what are you doing?</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: It’s just,,, i think three would be more efficient,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: 8ut you just--</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: No, he’s right, I was going to count to eight.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Which would have taken quite a bit longer,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, a8out as much time as this dum8shit conversation, so,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: NOW.</p>
</div>
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<p>They heave the body upward above their heads and keep walking, invigorated with fresh direction. Emotionally, anyway. They still do not have a physical direction in mind, which doesn’t stop them from marching onward.</p>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: SHHHHHHHH</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: SHHHHHHHH</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Shh,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Carry on, carry on, look out for exit signs.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: How has no one come out into the halls yet?</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: The reflection of high school I saw in the cinema has, uhh,,,, direly misrepresented the amount of shenanigans that transpire in the hallways,,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: This is shenanigans.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Fair point,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Where are we going, anyway?</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Oh no,,, I thought you knew?</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Keep looking for Harry Anderson. He’s In The Shit with us now, whether he likes it or not.</p>
</div>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: What now????????</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: It’s stuck. Pull, you 8astards!</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: I’m pulling!</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I hear movement, pull FASTER.</p>
</div>
<p>The body was already heavy and slippery enough. With the added fire safety deluge bearing down on them from every sprinkler in the hall, they have no chance. They scramble to hold on to him, but he is as slick as a greased pig and twice as unwieldy.</p>
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<p>The human students, trained to respond to a fire drill with speed and enthusiasm for missed class time, are out in the hall in a matter of seconds.</p>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="imode">IMODE: Is it a real 🔥??</p>
<p class="silas">SILAS: I do declare, it’s trolls!</p>
<p class="imode">IMODE: Wait, is that...🤡</p>
<p class="avril">AVRIL: step back everybody this is some #viral #fucking #content.</p>
<p> </p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: A8andon ship!</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Wh,</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Ditch it, Tavros, we gotta move.</p>
</div>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.</p>
</div>
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<div class="chat">
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: We were fortunate this hall was, uh,,, empty,</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: This is incredible, we’re fucking killing it!</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: I would not call this Piping Hot Turd of a Situation “killing it” in any way.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: They had already evacu8ed. That’s it. No skill of ours involved.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: Well, who made that alarm go off in the first place, hmm????????</p>
<p class="tavros">TAVROS: Us!</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: I thought this planet was gonna be a snoozefest desert devoid of 8oth agency and fun, but I am honestly having a gr8 time.</p>
<p class="vriska">VRISKA: We just wait til they all go home and sneak out! We’re nowhere near 8eat, yet.</p>
<p class="vrissy">VRISSY: If those assholes have a lot of Followers, we might as well 8e.</p>
</div>
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<p>Jane Crocker doesn’t have a lot of time to waste on social media. Big society-altering business decisions don’t get made on a lax schedule. After a few dozen honk alerts, though, she allows herself a break to see what the hullabaloo is.</p>
<p>She sees it, and she can’t breathe. Her lover, her confidante, her clown of many years, being desecrated by a bunch of treasonous monsters.</p>
<p>Jane barely has time to register one gutting blow before another follows it. A sob chokes itself out of her.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="jane">JANE: Oh, Tavros, no!</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: He wouldn’t--</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: Tavros loves his Gamzee! Those rebels must have captured my sweet baby and corrupted his mind.</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: My family! My entire family!</p>
<p class="jane">JANE: This cannot go unavenged.</p>
</div>
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<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/91_2.gif" loading="lazy">
<p>Jane then proceeds to have the rest of <a href="chapter1.html">this conversation we already read</a>.</p>
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<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/94.gif" loading="lazy">
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<div class="chat">
<p class="harry">HARRY ANDERSON: oh fuck</p>
</div>
<p class="command-line">> <a href="chapter3.html">CHAPTER 3. How Are Your Feelings</a></p>
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