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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<title>CHAPTER 11. History's Most Notorious Haters (Preceding Canon)</title>
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<time datetime="2020-08-06">08/06/2020</time>
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<article>
<h1>CHAPTER 11. History's Most Notorious Haters</h1>
<div class="wide">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/277.gif">
</div>
<div class="command dave">
<span>Knight:</span>
<div>> Knight: Keep it real.</div>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/278.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: and thats reason four hundred nineteen why despite my mans many accomplishments i will never acknowledge big skateboardings contrived message that tony hawk is the quintessential skater of our generation</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: o_o</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: not in these trying times</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: beep boop</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: david</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: mom</p>
</div>
<p>The Knight and the Maid stare at each other briefly, having exchanged enough meaningful glances over their time together to know when to drop it.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i think we have exchanged enough meaningful glances over our time together to know when to drop this</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: what i enjoy about our conversations is that you just say things like that</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: oh is that what you enjoy</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...</p>
</div>
<p>She knows how this will play out, having undoubtedly tried this joke on her friend in some timeline or another. Their rapport reflects a unique combination of their matching aspects but greatly differing classes. One a passive but powerful servant to time, the other wielding the aspect like a honed blade.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: time</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: say time</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ...</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ........</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: waste time</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: time</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: .............</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i experience all points of time simultaneously please just say time and make a weird face</p>
</div>
<p>This is true.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ..................</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: cmon megido youre killing me clocks ticking</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ...</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: time o_o</p>
</div>
<p>The Maid casts a furtive glance around the empty crew quarters, as though to search for someone more sympathetic to her bit.</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: tough crowd</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/279.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: ok heres one</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: how old do you think you are</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: emotionally?</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: that is a pretty heavy topic</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: you know damn well thats not what i meant</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: you know I have been through a lot dave</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: ok</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: its just so kind of someone</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: ok i get it</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: to finally ask how i feel</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i am beside myself with emotions</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i want to open up</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: jesus christ</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: shall i open up about my past traumas to you</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: would you enjoy that</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: to think even a frog like me can work through their pain with a dear friend</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: you have truly blessed me on this day dave strider</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i know you arent a frog anymore which is fucking tragic</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: can you imagine</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: the absolutely insane tomfoolery we could get into</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: just getting into some real frog based scenarios</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: times fun when youre having flies</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: yes that is how the saying goes</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: sorry to disappoint :o</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: im glad you finally said something</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: was thinking that apology might never come</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: practically giving me a complex how before now you never apologized to me that you arent a frog anymore</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: but apology accepted got the ribbits on lock</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: chronology respected got the tick got the tock</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: the clocks cuckoo im cocoa puffs the stuffs no mystery</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: serial scions of time psionic robot calibrate history</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: hoes mad hoes sad hoes a concept not a fact</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: lacking tact i stay stacked while i breach contract</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: sacred vows disavowed got divorce fever</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i leave her</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: dont look back dont perceive her</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: do you want to talk about it :(</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: about what</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: are you</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: am i hung up about leaving your wife and friends behind</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i do not think that i am no</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: what</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: oh fuck</p>
</div>
<div class="command">
<span>(==>)</span>
<div>> (Months in the past, but not many...)</div>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/280.gif">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/281.gif">
<a class="flash" href="https://www.homestuck2.com/story/282">
[S] (Gaze.)<br>
(View on homestuck2.com)
</a>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/283.gif">
<div class="chat">
<p class="sollux">SOLLUX: h0w the fuck am i g0ing t0 get d0wn fr0m here.</p>
</div>
<div class="command">
<span>==></span>
<div>> Back to reality.</div>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/284.gif">
<div class="chat dead-jade">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: he is probably ok</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: so youre telling me you dont even feel a little bad that you ditched him to be a weird death acolyte</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: no i think he found my wiles both charming and irresistible</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: not even an ounce of guilt or self doubt huh</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: just like that</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: no conversations about the greater good</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: no revelations about your feelings</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: no dead presidents spouting wisdom about your brotherdad and bequeathing unto you an ancient soulbot</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: whats a president</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: see that doesnt work because i know you know what a president is</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: shit</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: do you often find your faith in yourself shaken like this or is it a new experience now that your mortal coil has been left behind</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: what</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: do you think now that all that is left of you is a literal ghost inside of a machine you are more or less likely to embrace finality</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: oh dope more cult of one shit</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: immortality changed you</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: could it be that you are projecting your feelings onto my situation</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: does not compute rose jr</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ...</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: we dont have to talk about it</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: thanks</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: <span class="prose">They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange.</span></p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: especially while</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: CALCULATING</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: CALCULATING</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: i do not need your approval. the story will continue how it must.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: beep boop hater detected</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: wow is that true</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: i am not a hater.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: classic hater line</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i know this because i am pouring through genuine actual quadrabytes of information on historys most notorious haters</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: no, you aren’t.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: huge if true</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: dave do you think i am a hater</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: you are the exact opposite of a hater</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: a liker</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: ok</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: perfect example your tolerance for whatever is going on with</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: all this</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: observing our every action and noting its relevance :)</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: uh huh thats what i mean</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: can we scrounge up a change of clothes or something</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: maybe some sort of outfit montage</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: she comes out of the changing room in some sort of bozo outfit for clowns</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: we shake our heads disapprovingly</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: no no not this one</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: she goes back into the changing room we give each other one of those meaningful glances</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: what would she do without us</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: she emerges again this time looking fresh as hell</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: our judgemental ways have done it again</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: socially shamed into looking completely fucking dope</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: o_o</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: even though i understand that it must happen, i am growing frustrated with the direction of this conversation.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: do you want to talk about something else stinky</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: what would you suggest?</p>
</div>
<p>The Knight takes pause, carefully considering the options. They have a long journey ahead together and an establishing an antagonistic relationship would prove-</p>
<div class="chat">
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: ok hear me out</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: kanaya</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: but like</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: wearing huge jorts</p>
</div>
<p> </p>
<div class="command">
<span>==></span>
<div>> Weeks in the future, relative to the original point of interest...</div>
</div>
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<p>Moments like these are not rare, and serve a valuable function to the story. They are able to show a passage of time with the bulk of the emotional labor of a lengthy bonding process happening off screen. How did we get here? What have they been through? These questions are often better left open to individual interpretation and can give the one interpreting a sense of ownership of the story.</p>
<div class="chat dead-jade">
<p class="jade">JADE: As a point of curiosity-</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: oh shit!!!!</p>
</div>
<p>The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption. Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.</p>
<div class="chat dead-jade">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: :(</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: as a point of order, you never answered dave’s question.</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: which one he is very chatty</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: you experience time in a way that is woefully unfamiliar to me and it has... piqued my curiosity enough to learn more.</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ?_?</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: shes asking how old you are</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: only lay dormant</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: no thats boring</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: yes, that one.</p>
</div>
<p>The Knight, though at times purposefully obtuse, is sharp and observant. This can sometimes offer a refreshing balance to the usual layers of pretense.</p>
<div class="chat dead-jade">
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: oh maybe a few hundred years or so</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: what</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: what?</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: well if i had known you were going to be so judgy about it</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: when did this happen</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: oh i spent some time in other doomed realities and timelines and came back before anybody could tell i was gone</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: oh just out for a bit of fun then</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: just hopped on over to a different reality</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: real casual like</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: oh hello dont mind me just popping in to see if it really is as doomed as they say it is</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: did not disappoint</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: yes almost exactly like that :)</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: who did you hang out with are they cooler than me</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: it is complicated to explain</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: oh ok nevermind then</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: all clear</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: a whole alternate universe ripe with the coolest motherfuckers imaginable</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: these events are not-canonical.</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: rude</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i think what the ghost possessing a corpse of my ex is trying to say</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: and correct me if im fucking wrong</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: which for the record im not</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: :(</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: but im an altruist first and fucking foremost</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: so selfless</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: yes, the greater narrative is truly blessed by your beneficent presence.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: oh so you got jokes now huh</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: i have always had the ‘jokes’ of which you speak, but i have heretofore exercised restraint in laying you low.</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: i possess knowledge of many of your iterations, as the scope of my powers allows me to exist in several narrative structures at once.</p>
<p class="davebot">DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means.</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: neither do i :)</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: its cultural significance to you as an earthling is wasted on the two of us entirely, as we have not conflated the misguided notion of clinging to nostalgic cereal advertisement trivia with socially relevant conversation.</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: one could say that your reference is lost to</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: .....</p>
<p class="jade">JADE: ......</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: .......</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/287.gif">
<div class="chat dead-jade">
<p class="jade">JADE: time</p>
<p class="aradia">ARADIA: ouo</p>
</div>
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/288.gif">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/289.gif">
<img class="panel" width="650" height="450" src="https://cdn.beyondcanon.com/assets/story/homestuck-beyond-canon/panels/290.gif">
<p class="command-line">> <a href="chapter12.html">CHAPTER 12. Really Convolued Metaphorical Horseshit</a></p>
</article>
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