path: root/album/a-memory-finds-its-name.yaml

Album: A Memory Finds Its Name
Artists:
- Circlejourney
Date: March 30, 2021
Date Added: April 13, 2024
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/album/a-memory-finds-its-name
- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mU1qjqfv0UQc6YzG9B9xveFg6ujBFUnFE
- https://open.spotify.com/album/2iQlCoRDTWnJ5FoccdcYEa
- https://music.apple.com/album/a-memory-finds-its-name/1561531559
Cover Artists:
- Circlejourney
Wallpaper Artists:
- Circlejourney
- Niklink (edits for wiki)
Wallpaper Style: 'opacity: 0.65;'
Cover Art File Extension: png
Additional Files:
- Title: Album Booklet
  Files:
  - A Memory Finds Its Name - booklet.pdf
Color: '#FAD7AD'
Groups:
- Circlejourney
- Beyond
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I dedicate this album to everyone I’ve ever loved.

    Thanks for checking out A Memory Finds Its Name! It means a lot. I have a fraught relationship with my voice. It’s partly vocal dysphoria, partly low self-esteem from criticism as a teen. In 2014, my self-doubt resulted in me removing every single track containing my voice from Bandcamp, and replacing it with an instrumental version.

    It has taken me almost ten years to finally feel at home with my voice, despite the mismatch with what I wish it sounded like. Getting a new mic this January also helped—I can now produce almost studio-standard work from my bedroom!

    Here’s a collection of both brand new songs and songs from as far back as 2011, whose lyrics are finally seeing the light of day. A lot of them explore the twilight between joy and parting, between love and loss. The title is about me breathing new life into old songs, but it is also about rediscovering and putting names to things once lost.

    Many thanks to [[artist:chichii|Emmara]] for collabing with me on Summer Heat, and to everyone whose enthusiasm has spurred me to finish this in record time!
---
Section: Main album
---
Track: Summer Heat
Duration: '03:41'
Contributors:
- CHICHII ! (additional vocals)
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/summer-heat-feat-chichii
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA4Y5qU3YLg
- https://open.spotify.com/track/5DZxhpmMApqGWWLs0ktC9T
- https://music.apple.com/album/summer-heat-feat-chichii/1561531559?i=1561531560
Lyrics: |-
    Two, three, four
    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Won't you say that you'll hold me
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    but for now it feels so right

    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Won't you say that you'll hold me
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    but for now it feels so right

    Oh, her burning eyes
    Cut me like a knife
    She could kill me, I
    Would thank her for it
    She will never see
    While she's near to me
    I will always be
    Trapped in her orbit

    She could break me in two
    She'll remake me anew
    If she said, me and you
    Could you take it
    Ooh, I would bow in defeat
    Lay myself at her feet
    From the day that we meet
    My life is forfeit

    Oh, just one dance (Oh, her burning eyes cut me like a knife)
    And I know (She could kill me, I would thank her for it)
    In a glance (She will never see while she's near to me)
    I love her so (I will always be trapped in her orbit)
    If I dared (She could break me in two, she'll remake me anew)
    I'd let it show (If she said, me and you, could you take it)
    But I'm scared (Ooh, I would bow in defeat, lay myself at her feet)
    To let her go (From the day that we meet, my life is forfeit)

    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Won't you say that you'll hold me
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    but for now it feels so right

    Summer heat (Oh, just one dance)
    Draw your blade on me (And I know)
    You know that beat (In a glance)
    Won't you say that you'll hold me (I love her so)
    Summer rain (If I dared)
    In the air tonight (I'd let it show)
    I'll regret it someday (But I'm scared)
    But for now it feels so right

    Summer sky
    Tell me where to find her
    'Cause in my eye
    I would hold her forever
    Summer rain
    Show me to my future
    The day we met
    It's like I always knew her

    Two, three, four
    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Won't you say that you'll hold me
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    but for now it feels so right

    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Has me wanting your body
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    But let's dance in the moonlight

    Summer heat (Oh, her burning eyes cut me like a knife)
    Draw your blade on me (She could kill me, I would thank her for)
    You know that beat (She will never see, while she's near to me)
    Won't you say that you'll hold me (I will always be, trapped in her orbit)
    Summer rain (She could break me in two, she'll remake me anew)
    In the air tonight (If she said me and you, could you take it)
    I'll regret it someday (Ooh, I would bow in defeat, lay myself at her feet)
    but for now it feels so right

    Summer heat
    Draw your blade on me
    You know that beat
    Won't you say that you'll hold me
    Summer rain
    In the air tonight
    I'll regret it someday
    but for now it feels so right

    Summer heat (Oh, just one dance)
    Draw your blade on me (And I know)
    You know that beat (In a glance)
    Has me wanting your body (I love her so)
    Summer rain (If I dared)
    In the air tonight (I'd let it show)
    I'll regret it someday (But I'm scared)
    but let's dance in the moonlight
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I am always chasing the summery bubblegum pop sound, and this track, I feel, is the closest I’ve ever come to hitting the mark.

    Despite the cheerful outward appearance, I wanted to capture an undercurrent of hopeless longing and ephemerality—when you know the excitement is bound to end too soon, but you enjoy it anyway, almost in defiance of that knowledge.

    The bird you hear midway through is an Asian koel, which I associate strongly with the dusk (when its cries are heard), nostalgia, and now with my home in Singapore.

    I’m really happy that I got to get my friend Emmara to sing on this song! She’s an amazing vocalist and musician; you can check out her YouTube channel here.
---
Track: Life's a Mind Game
Duration: '04:35'
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/lifes-a-mind-game
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVHw1CmV6Og
- https://open.spotify.com/track/2qo4bn1iAfPkZlfOqGvokA
- https://music.apple.com/album/lifes-a-mind-game/1561531559?i=1561531561
Lyrics: |-
    That's just how, how it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    That's just how, how it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    She says she's not looking for a partner
    Next month she's dating someone hotter
    I'm cute to everyone but not her
    That's how it goes

    He says you wanna bang for one night
    I say not my idea of fun, like
    Next day he goes makeouts are fine, right
    That's how it goes

    Everywhere I go, Everyone I know,
    Just another comedy about to start
    Won't someone tell me how to play my stupid part
    Look like I belong
    Try to learn the words by heart
    Then I say them wrong

    I used to think there was a trick, that there was a key
    Something everybody knew but me, but I've come to see
    Life's a circus and we're doomed to be
    Clowning until we kick the bucket and then we're free

    That's just how, how it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    That's just how
    How it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    Breakup was back in 2019
    Since then I've fallen in a routine
    See someone new, no words, break down
    The saddest thing you've ever seen

    It's like a shitty B-rate movie
    So bad you feel a little sorry
    For everyone who's in the show
    And I would know

    I guess I'll get lost in a story
    Roleplay's the way, I won't be sorry
    Then bam, DM gives us a hottie
    And I'm too scared to flirt (Goddammit)

    I guess I'm doomed to make no progress
    Let's face the truth, I'm just a hot mess
    I'll probably always be anxious
    And life will always hurt

    That's just how, how it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    That's just how, how it moves
    Life's a mind game, with no rules
    You will win till you lose
    Same old story, same old news

    (One)
    That's just how, how it moves (She says she's not looking for a partner)
    (Two)
    Life's a mind game, with no rules (Next month she's dating someone hotter)
    (Three)
    You will win till you lose (I'm cute to everyone but not her)
    (Four)
    Same old story, same old news (That's how it goes)
    (That's how it goes)

    (One)
    That's just how, how it moves (He says you wanna bang for one night)
    (Two)
    Life's a mind game, with no rules (I say not my idea of fun, like)
    (Three)
    You will win till you lose (Next day he goes makeouts are fine, right)
    (Four)
    Same old story, same old news (That's how it goes)

    That's just how, how it moves (She says she's not looking for a partner)
    Life's a mind game, with no rules (Next month she's dating someone hotter)
    You will win till you lose (I'm cute to everyone but not her)
    Same old story, same old news (That's how it goes)

    That's just how, how it moves (He says you wanna bang for one night)
    Life's a mind game, with no rules (I say not my idea of fun, like)
    You will win till you lose (Next day he goes makeouts are fine, right)
    Same old story, same old news (That's how it goes)
    (That's how it goes)
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    This song came to me as I was waiting for the bus, the day after someone I barely knew hit on me, even though I had not remotely expressed interest—and then tried it again after I told him no.

    The song quickly evolved into a great big vent about the year and a half starting in late 2019, a period that was chock full of romantic encounters that were almost hilariously terrible in hindsight.

    There are times when life just feels like playing a game without knowing the rules, and nowhere more than in the realm of romance and dating. I’m just too socially-inept to know how to handle all this confusing nonsense.

    I hope the song is enjoyable; it would be the one good thing to come of all of it.
---
Track: When All Is Gone
Duration: '04:22'
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/when-all-is-gone
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzPf-Scpk-o
- https://open.spotify.com/track/4ZCHqKltmEqoX08av8WmDA
- https://music.apple.com/album/when-all-is-gone/1561531559?i=1561531562
Lyrics: |-
    I am a child of rain and fire
    Born from the blight, bound by a birthright
    Buried in the centuries of dust and daylight

    I am the daughter of a woman
    Who shone brighter than the sun
    She gave me her chain, told me to run
    Not one day passes where I don't say her a prayer

    In every stream, I see my home
    In every dream I dream, I roam
    Beneath the sky, everything I've known
    Is doomed die, while I wander on
    When all is gone

    In shadow since the world was shattered
    The lands are in decay
    In the ruins you know better
    Than hope anything will stay but

    I dared to love, to love another
    held tight to all that I held dear
    I always knew she'd disappear

    Everywhere, every mile
    In every shadow, her smile
    I still bear every trial in this barren exile

    In every stream, I see my home
    In every dream I dream, I roam
    Beneath the sky, everything I've known
    Is doomed die, while I wander on
    When all is gone

    I go on, I go on, there's more road ahead
    Nothing left, nothing left, nothing left for dead
    Not until, not until all is done and said
    I defy, I defy, till I bleed out red

    I go on, I go on, there's more road ahead
    Nothing left, nothing left, nothing left for dead
    Not until, not until all is done and said
    I defy, I defy, till I bleed out red

    In every stream, I see my home
    In every dream I dream, I roam
    Beneath the sky, everything I've known
    Is doomed die, while I wander on
    When all is gone (Till I bleed out red)

    In every stream (I go on, I go on, there's more road ahead)
    I see my home (Nothing left, nothing left, nothing left for dead)
    In every dream (Not until, not until all is done and said)
    I dream, I roam (I defy, I defy, till I bleed out red)
    Beneath the sky (I go on, I go on, there's more road ahead)
    Everything I've known (Nothing left, nothing left, nothing left for dead)
    Is doomed die, while I wander on (Not until, not until all is done and said)

    When all is gone
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    Not to be a total nerd, but this song is about my Dungeons & Dragons character.

    Specifically, it is about Ajai, the paladin I play in my main D&D campaign (yes, the one I referenced in [[track:lifes-a-mind-game]]). I couldn’t find any music accurately reflecting her aesthetic for her playlist, so I took matters into my own hands and wrote the song I wished I could find.

    Sentimental and protective, Ajai clings to the memory of every person she’s loved long after they have left. Despite the bleakness of the horizons she pursues, she continues to be full of compassion.

    The richer vocal style playing off the sharp plucked strings is precisely the sound I associate with Ajai.
---
Track: From a Windchime
Duration: '02:18'
Referenced Tracks:
- From a Windchime to Its Long-Lost Owner
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/from-a-windchime
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwrrBHmrFQI
- https://open.spotify.com/track/3k9fi6Zasfwlb3xScYDOWz
- https://music.apple.com/album/from-a-windchime/1561531559?i=1561531563
Lyrics: |-
    Where the robins flew late last summer
    Eggshell blue, ripped asunder
    Call me too, softly call me back to where you lay
    Asleep in dew, dreaming of the answer to
    Why the truth is never true
    Why the winter's colder every day

    I hope you're free, how far westward lies the sea
    Tell me, do you dream of me
    Nameless tune forever left behind
    Why do I sing, when my world is shattering
    When I've broken everything
    Are these tears or am I only blind

    Where's that winding war, by the tide beyond the shore
    I have tried to try before, but I was so blinded by the sun
    You tell me forever now for nevermore
    Will I bear what once I bore
    Have you thought the glass might hide the gun

    I know you're free, have you gone beyond the sea
    I still hear you call to me, even though I'll never find you now
    But still I sing, for our summer, for our spring
    For my world, for everything
    Till I fade, till I've forgotten how

    I hope you're free, how far westward lies the sea
    Tell me, do you dream of me
    Nameless tune forever left behind
    Why do I sing, when my world is shattering
    When I've broken everything
    Are these tears or am I only blind
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I wrote this song way back in 2011, under the far longer title From a Windchime to its Long-Lost Owner.

    It has remained a huge favourite for the decade it has existed, so much that I’ve made five versions of it, one of which you can hear on my 2013 album [[album:compass]].

    This is the fifth, and likely final, version: I finally feel like I’ve realised the vision I had all those years ago. The lyrics of this song alone made it worth remaking this many times. At long last, you can hear them!

    The lyrics are based on an old short story I wrote at around the same time, about a windchime left behind in a house that has long been abandoned. Even back then, I adored that tone of hopeful melancholy that you see in a lot of my work.
---
Track: Oceanic Flight
Suffix Directory: true
Always Reference By Directory: true
Duration: '04:56'
Referenced Tracks:
- Oceanic Flight
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/oceanic-flight
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CdP_U8Dv0k
- https://open.spotify.com/track/3a4iFCIqbIg6PtXDpM4S4l
- https://music.apple.com/album/oceanic-flight/1561531559?i=1561531564
Lyrics: |-
    For years and years I yearned for the sea
    I felt the world was turning around me
    Through cracks and tears I peered at its glory
    And dreamed, and cried, free me! Free me! Free me!

    For years and years I yearned to be free
    I knew the world was changing beyond me
    And I was disappearing, if only
    Someone would just hear me! Hear me! Hear me!

    [Distorted vocal]

    For years and years, I drowned in the sea
    I felt the waters turning upon me
    She thrashed, I steered, we tangled and slowly
    Our colours ran, mixing permanently

    In tears, in fears, I drowned her and she
    Became my world, my life and my story
    And I was disappearing, if only
    Someone would just, hear me, hear me, hear me

    For years and years I yearned for the sea
    I felt the world was turning around me
    Through cracks and tears I peered at its glory
    And dreamed, and cried, free me, free me, free me

    For years and years I yearned to be free
    I knew the world was changing beyond me
    And I was disappearing, if only
    Someone would just hear me, hear me, hear me

    For years and years I drowned in the sea
    Till you reached out and dragged me to safety
    Beyond the stars, their light burning softly
    When will someone hear me, hear me, hear me

    For years and years I yearned to be free
    I will not let her hate take it from me
    I live, and I refuse to be sorry
    And no one can take me, make me, break me
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    Am I infringing on copyright by saying that this song was inspired by Steven Universe?

    To be very vague, it’s a story-song about someone who spent most of her centuries-long life trapped against her will, and then in a damning duty she took upon herself to protect her newfound friends.

    There’s a sense of...optimism? and desperation? mingled here that culminates in the cries of “free me” and “hear me”.

    This was, hands down, one of the hardest songs I’ve ever produced, taking almost a year of fiddling, and then more ahead of this release. Little wonder: it’s the biggest track on this album too, in terms of instruments and length.
---
Track: You Are You
Suffix Directory: true
Always Reference By Directory: true
Duration: '04:04'
Referenced Tracks:
- You Are You
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/you-are-you-2
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui7L5uDikM8
- https://open.spotify.com/track/3S6gdKPCUEdni9DHV0FrCg
- https://music.apple.com/album/you-are-you/1561531559?i=1561531565
Lyrics: |-
    You're a blessing, you are you
    You are someone's light
    You're a wish that someone had each time they cried
    You're an angel, you're the sky
    You're the joy that you deny
    And there's nothing, nothing that can change that now

    You're a blessing, you are you
    You are someone's light
    You're a wish that someone had each time they cried
    You're an angel, you're the sky
    You're the joy that you deny
    And there's nothing, nothing that can change that now

    I watch you walk without a light
    Hopeless, lost, tangled in the night
    Can it be someone rained on your show
    Hate can be sharp as a knife I know
    But tell me why do you turn away
    And tell me who left these scars
    You say your sky is dark and dead
    But in your eyes I see the stars

    You're a blessing, you are you
    You are someone's light
    You're a wish that someone had each time they cried
    You're an angel, you're the sky
    You're the joy that you deny
    And there's nothing truer, don't you know?

    You're not nothing, you are you
    Let them tell their lies
    This world you are the world in someone's eyes
    Don't you say it's not deserved
    You're the axis of their love
    And there's nothing nothing that can that now

    There may be questions that no one can answer
    And there may be pain you don't understand
    But you'll survive if you trust in the joy
    That you haven't known

    Don't say you are nothing, I would give the world for you
    You may be flawed but you're no mistake
    Take a deep breath till there's no sorrow left
    And look up above, it's the sky you love

    Can't you see your starlight?

    My dear, please be my light
    Oh, my dear, it's still the night
    Don't think you are any less than wonderful

    You're a blessing, you are you (My dear)
    You are someone's light (Please be my light)
    You're a wish that someone had (Oh, my dear)
    Each time they cried (It's still the night)
    you're an angel, you're the sky (Don't think you)
    you're the joy that you deny (Are any less)
    and there's nothing nothing that can change that (Than wonderful)

    Angel, you're my sky
    let them tell their lies
    In this world you are the world in someone's eyes
    Don't you say it's not deserved
    You're the axis of my love
    And there's nothing nothing that can change my mind
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I remember, when I first wrote this song in 2012, that it was meant to be a song about “things I wish someone would say to me.”

    I struggled a great deal with my mental health back then, with some family tragedies happening around that time, as well as a looming final exam that seemed like life or death.

    I used to hate this song in particular, because I was deeply dissastisfied with how the vocals came out. Despite the warm compliments I received on the lyrics and composition, the vocals were a sticking point. Soon after posting it, I removed the vocal version (along with many others) from the internet.

    In some strange way, my position is reversed now. I feel more like the person speaking the words of the song than the person it is addressed to, and I adjusted the lyrics to match (and also to match my new lyrical style).
---
Track: The Banner I Unfurl
Suffix Directory: true
Always Reference By Directory: true
Duration: '01:22'
Referenced Tracks:
- track:the-banner-i-unfurl-instrumental
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/the-banner-i-unfurl
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt2kJo7XJvI
- https://open.spotify.com/track/3Ajjq0Fa5ZqCUZ170CLukC
- https://music.apple.com/album/the-banner-i-unfurl/1561531559?i=1561531776
Lyrics: |-
    I'm not that strong, but I'll fight
    I belong at her side
    When the darkness starts to stir
    She's so much more
    While I live, I am sure
    I would give my very life for her

    'Cause
    She's the axis of my world
    She's the banner I unfurl
    I shall raise it for the eyes of the world to see
    You could take all that I own
    I don't need it now I've known
    A love like the sea

    'Cause
    She's the axis of my world
    She's the springtime of my soul
    Flowers bloom beneath the skies through the centuries
    You could take all that I own
    I don't need it now I've known
    Her love for me
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I wrote this song for [an animation](https://youtu.be/bIyjzum7Hjk) I made for an undergrad stop motion class in 2015, but ultimately (as always) swapped it for a fully instrumental version.

    The animation is of a noblewoman and a knight who are in love, surprise surprise. The noble is snatched away by a flying beast and her partner gives chase on a horse, before a fun magic battle happens.

    Let’s be real, the “plot” of this one-and-a-half-minute animation actually doesn’t make any sense, but it was always meant to be music-led—visuals echoing the feel of the music.

    The lyrics themselves are actually some of my favourites that I’ve written—lines such as “she’s the springtime of my soul” are hopefully as resonant for others as they feel to me personally.

    I will be honest: it began as a Steven Universe fan song, but then grew into its own thing as I worked on it.

    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (lyric video illustration)
    <img src="media/misc/the-banner-i-unfurl-lyric-video.jpg" width="380" length="214">
---
Track: The Queen In Between
Duration: '04:00'
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/the-queen-in-between
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cri7wEpxRw8
- https://open.spotify.com/track/0jGiC1tOV3XtN32u7Rwxw5
- https://music.apple.com/album/the-queen-in-between/1561531559?i=1561531777
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    The only track on this album with no lyrics is this one: the background track of my game, In Between.

    It takes place in an ancient, ruined desert town in the realm between Heaven and Hell—despite its great age, it is still populated, by strange creatures that seem neither alive nor dead, and a Queen who has been siphoning the souls of her subjects to prolong her own life.

    In the game, I wanted to explore the concept of shifting between various combinations of instruments as you move from one location to another, with the number of instruments building gradually as you approach the end of the game.

    I tried to emulate that sense of building in this version of the track, but you can [play the game](https://circlejourney.net/in-between/) to get the full experience.
---
Track: Memorialisation
Suffix Directory: true
Always Reference By Directory: true
Duration: '03:41'
Referenced Tracks:
- Memorialisation
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/memorialisation
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oah6SrB1xSM
- https://open.spotify.com/track/0Ds8iYfzq2vVZxUOee1nqi
- https://music.apple.com/album/memorialisation/1561531559?i=1561531778
Lyrics: |-
    I've forgotten her face
    I don't remember her voice at all
    What is she to me, anyway
    Why should I care that I don't recall
    So all my pride was misplaced
    How could I have been so blind
    What use is a memorial in your mind

    Walls break, windows crack
    Trees die, and don't grow back
    If you wait, the leaves will all turn black

    And she also forgot me
    At last the whole truth has come to light
    It was all just a gambit
    A surrender and not a fight
    For all these years, she bore my weight
    For love, for hate, she tolerated me
    "Just wait for me," she'd say to me, "Just wait"
    Until she left that night
    That endless night

    Walls break, windows crack
    Trees die and don't grow back
    If you wait, the leaves will all turn black
    Don't you know
    Overgrown houses fall
    All they've known, no trace at all
    A bird sends up its mourning call alone

    I've always known how to make things
    But not how to break them
    I don't know how to take it
    When they can't be repaired
    I've always known she's gone,
    She's gone, she's gone, she's gone
    She never cared

    Who am I, who was I, to you, my mother
    Answer me

    Walls break, windows crack
    Trees die and don't grow back
    Suddenly, everything goes black
    Songs end, seeds decay
    You can't pretend the grief away
    Oh, if I could send a reply with the things I'd like to say
    I'd say I'm sorry that I wasted my childhood away
    But you're not here, and you can't watch me
    Destroy this memorial today
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    Back in 2016 or so, I planned on writing a whole stage musical based on my novel, [Eagles and Swans](https://circlejourney.net/writing/eaglesandswans/) (which will forever be unreleased, at the rate I’m going). This was the only song that actually materialised in full.

    I’m fond of writing songs about fictional characters (moreso than about my own life), especially characters that I created myself. This one’s about Ruthenia, the main character of Eagles and Swans, at a time when she’s questioning everything about her past.

    It’s definitely the hardest one to sing on this album, and honestly I feel it was made for the penultimate position. I’m happy to finally have the chance to channel my inner musical theatre lover, and would love to write more for this musical whenever I’ve got the time.

    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (track cover)
    <img src="media/misc/memorialisation-track-cover.jpg" width="250">
---
Track: Year In, Year Out
Duration: '03:30'
URLs:
- https://circlejourney.bandcamp.com/track/year-in-year-out
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt0RSo_N1cc
- https://open.spotify.com/track/2kEgflpyTAvCHzYsCw3HoU
- https://music.apple.com/album/year-in-year-out/1561531559?i=1561531780
Lyrics: |-
    Year in, year out
    Learn to live without, oh
    What stays, what's true
    Seasons pull me from you
    'Cause

    I'm moving, you knew it
    Years fearing this minute
    A planet, a comet
    I break from your orbit

    I take my heart and fold it
    Move out to the cold
    Out of your city
    Out of your world

    By the time I see you
    Will I still know your face
    By the time we meet
    Amid the stardust and space
    I would rather be
    About any other place
    That is closer
    One of these years
    One of these days

    Year in, year out
    What do we even talk about, oh
    The heat, the moon
    The sound of birds in the afternoon
    'Cause

    Three autumns, three winters
    Of stories in letters
    Three springs and three summers
    Lose track of the numbers

    Where's the line
    When do I
    Pass the point
    When should I say goodbye?

    'Cause
    By the time I see you
    Will I still know your face
    By the time we meet
    Amid the stardust and space
    I would rather be
    About any other place
    That is closer
    One of these days

    'Cause
    By the time I see you
    Will I still know your face (still know your face)
    By the time we meet
    Amid the stardust and space (stardust and space)
    I would rather be
    About any other place (any other place)
    That is closer
    One of these years
    One of these days

    Year in, year out
    Learn to live without, oh
    What stays, what's true
    Seasons pull me from you
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> (booklet commentary)
    I’ll be honest, I get a little choked up every time I sing this song. It draws deeply on an emotion I’ve grown very familiar with over the past couple of years: of missing someone I used to be around all the time, and of drifting away.

    I haven’t been home since February 2020—it’s been more than a year. I can’t help wondering how my home, family and friends have changed since I last saw them. If they’ll even feel like the same people when we next meet.

    The shadow of the memory of being close to people I care about—a complex, multivalent thing—continues to loom over most of my waking hours. It is a bittersweet feeling: the relief of being untethered, stirred in with the quiet dread of time passing, of distance growing, when you’re looking away
---
Section: Bonus tracks
---
Track: Summer Heat (Instrumental)
Duration: '3:41'
Referenced Tracks:
- Summer Heat
---
Track: Life's a Mind Game (Instrumental)
Duration: '4:37'
Referenced Tracks:
- Life's a Mind Game
---
Track: When All Is Gone (Instrumental)
Duration: '4:16'
Referenced Tracks:
- When All Is Gone
---
Track: From a Windchime (Instrumental)
Duration: '2:19'
Referenced Tracks:
- From a Windchime
---
Track: Oceanic Flight (Instrumental)
Suffix Directory: true
Duration: '4:58'
Referenced Tracks:
- track:oceanic-flight-a-memory-finds-its-name
---
Track: You Are You (Instrumental)
Duration: '4:05'
Referenced Tracks:
- track:you-are-you-a-memory-finds-its-name
---
Track: The Banner I Unfurl (Instrumental)
Suffix Directory: true
Duration: '1:24'
Referenced Tracks:
- track:the-banner-i-unfurl-a-memory-finds-its-name
---
Track: Memorialisation (Instrumental)
Duration: '3:36'
Referenced Tracks:
- track:memorialisation-a-memory-finds-its-name
---
Track: Year In, Year Out (Instrumental)
Duration: '3:30'
Referenced Tracks:
- Year In, Year Out