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title: "On socialization, and such"
permalink: '16-on-socialization'
date: {m: 6, d: 27, y: 2017}
categories:
- 'text'
---
# On socialization, and such
## An issue
Say I've got a friend online who sent a message to me. It'd be something
simple, just like, "Hi!"
Okay, this message was sent.. half an hour ago. I missed it, because I wasn't
on Discord or Twitter or email or whatever their client of choice was. Oops.
Now I've got two options:
* **Respond!** Duh, one of my friends said hi, so I'll say hi back.
* **Procrastinate.** Wait, what? Well, they sent the message half an hour ago..
so it's not *that* bad if I don't get back to them right now.. hold on, why
am I even thinking about this? But still..
Alright, so, I imagine most people would go with the first option. Right?
Because it makes *sense* to go and respond when someone says hi, plus typically
conversations are good, anyways. They're enjoyable!
..But I procrastinate. I know it's true that having a casual discussion with
someone is basically always good, but I choose to wait, anyways?
And I'm not even *doing* anything! At that point in time I'm probably just
sitting around, doing nothing of particular interest. I *know* it'd be more fun
(and productive) to have a chat. But I delay it, for some reason?
And this is consistently something true of me.
* I got an idea to work on a project with somebody the previous day.. and now,
even though I know I'd still like to work on that project with them, I delay.
* One of my friends said hello a while earlier. I choose to ignore them.
* One of my friends said hello *now*, while I'm online. It's a lot less easy
to ignore someone when they're talking to you while you're basically present,
so, you know, I go and respond ("Hi!"), but there's still a bit of a feeling
of "no, no, hold on, ugh."
(This is true for whenever I'm talking to someone in a direct/private
message online, mind you. It's not just some one person in particular!)
* We've got visitors; they only visit once or twice a year, so it's pretty
special for both us and them. But before they arrive, there's a little
feeling of dread.. even though I know their visits are always completely
enjoyable! Once they get here, though, that feeling disappears.
(Again, this is true for *any* visitors. Some people had come from quite
far away - across an ocean, in fact! - to visit us, and, you know, that
feeling of uncertainty (I guess?), before they arrived was still there.)
It doesn't even have to be related to socializing, actually. Drawing art is
another example of when this is an issue for me. I *know* I enjoy drawing!
And yet I procrastinate. It doesn't seem to me like there's any *reason* to
delay the inevitable *enjoyment* I'll get out of making a piece of art,
especially when I tend to delay many other unrelated things I also enjoy.
I know this is also a problem for others. It certainly doesn't seem like it's
an issue for *most* others, though!
I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it. It's frustrating, because it *is* a
bit of a real problem for me. It seriously does get in the way of my drawing -
it's definitely the reason I haven't made much of any art in the last few
weeks. It's gotten in the way of lots of projects I want to work on, with
myself, or with others.
## Internet ritual
Open your browser. Check what's new on Twitter. Check if anybody's uploaded an
interesting video to YouTube. Catch up with Facebook. Check the notifications
you've got on any forum you browse. See what people are up to on that one
subreddit. (Maybe even check the /new section.)
Doing what you want to, doing what you need to, socializing - it's all hard.
Procrastination is easy. Why would you bother doing something that takes any
effort or willpower when you could do something that *doesn't?*
And it's *so* easy. One option is tough; one isn't. *You* don't even need to
make the choice consciously; chances are your brain will for you. And then go
with that, right?
Chances are you don't even *want* to do that one thing you claim you do. Oh,
yeah! You know how there's that one person that just messaged you? And how
you've meant to talk to them? ..But you don't. Responding is hard. You tell
yourself you enjoy discussing things with people.. but that's not a simple
task; do you *really* enjoy it?
Procrastinate, instead.
Maybe don't even respond at all.
## Or not?
It's not easy to get out of those thoughts. You've literally already convinced
yourself that it'd just be easier to stick to procrastinating, to stick to that
consistently easy, simple, internet ritual. They aren't even always conscious
thoughts; it's just, "oh, hmm, may as well check what's new!"
But they're *intrusive.* Obviously they do get in the way of your life, and the
things you *do* enjoy. Before talking to someone, it's easy to convince
yourself that you don't really enjoy it. But you clearly *do* like talking to
people; it's quite possible that you've talked to this very person before, and
enjoyed it!
They get in the way of doing other things, too, of course - why create
something when it's so much easier to just.. not? And yet I *do* love drawing
things! It's the best feeling I get!
It's now been a week since I wrote the first section of this post. The other
day I was talking to a friend of mine about all this; that lead to me making
the decision to kill the so-called internet ritual as best I could. So I've
been working on that, myself.
Will that magically solve all my problems? Will it make talking to people much
easier, suddenly? Probably not! But maybe it'll help. I *think* it will; it's
been somewhat helpful so far. I've gotten a bit better at following my basic
goals since I did, and I think I've also felt a little better about myself i
general.
Call it all a placebo effect if it is, but I guess it's enough, anyways. If I'm
feeling better about myself and finding it easier to do what I want and need
to, it's working. Who knows how it'll go from here?
(PS, while writing the later parts of this, I've been listening to
[Dief](https://c418.bandcamp.com/album/dief), which I've found to be shockingly
appropriate background music for this post!)
|
