i have no idea what im going to write here!! so, heres some meta (tm) stuff. aka journaling, basically. may as well explain the idea behind these "scribbles" since were here now: basically, im trying to get better at the routine of writing, so that its in general easier for me to begin writing. right now im faced with the problem of Not Writing Enough and Feeling Bad About It, so instead of just letting myself keep on not writing anything, which is no fun at all, im working on that! the plan is to do some amount of writing - 12 minutes, for now - after some relatively consistent "transition point" in my day. my psychologist suggested that after having a meal and after washing are good times, but those arent super consistent for me honestly. mom suggested that after i take hrt pills is another case, and that makes sense to me! i take them twice a day, so i might do two bunches of writing some days, but no guarantees there. anyway, on building routine: my psych said that what i write doesnt matter nearly as much as the act of writing in general, or rather simply being present and allocating time to the activity of writing. which is good! because there are some days where my mind will probably be way too much of a mess to write ANYTHING. also, what i specifically want is to write more and better fiction/fanfic stuff... but thats more of an end-, or side-goal. just writing in general, on a routine, is my biggest priority. since i almost definitely wont do journalling EVERY time i write, it follows that ill get at least some practice writing actual fic stuff eventually, so thatll be helpful too. the other thing about wring on routine is that im totally allowed to write longer than the allocated time, but im not obligated to do anything writing-related past when the timer has finished. im running out of time pretty much now, but i could continue if i wanted. i did summarize pretty much everything i wanted to, though, and im going to be hanging out with doof real soon, as was planned before i started writing this. oh, and well probably increase the timer duration in time, but hey, well see. 12 minutes is just a prototype more than anything, btw. i may cut it down to 5-ish minutes if life decides to be real difficult. anyway, timer done, so im poofing for now! i do want to talk about like, my AWESOME costume i made for halloween today. maybe later tonight (with my second hrt pills), or tomorrow, or some other time, or not. who knows! guess well find out.