* back a year or so ago there was a person on the internet who I thought was really cool.
* she was this self-employed developer who made games with the help of her friends-team.
* she also did blog writing and was geting into art and music.
* she had a decent following of attention and was well off enough.
* so, pretty much the dream position.
* she was also the behind-the-scenes developer of a lot of stuff in her friend's story series.
* that was something I could really see myself doing.
* so I kinda ended up idolizing her.
* not really sure what was up in me but I ended up imitating her in a lot of ways.
* some really subtle. my blog site's look is based on hers..
* and in part my blog started in the first place because I saw hers.
* others not so much. iI took her writing style and copied it for myself.
* and went so far as to use her excuse of keeping the Old Style on my blog
* and her talking style too I think, in general.
* maybe I was just talking weirdly because of the whole idolizing state I was in.
* a really close friend of mine saw what was up, though.
* she snapped me out of it when the time was right.
* it took me a little but I realized how strangely I just, was, through it all.
* it was kinda embarassing. besides mortifying.
* but it passed, and I've been careful to stay true to myself since then.
* so I guess I learned from it.

* but sometimes I wonder if it kinda messed with me.
* since then I met some other people on the internet.
* like, actually talked to, basically became friends with.
* and by chance, not Oh My Gosh I want to Be Like this person.
* but I hesitate to interact with them.
* when I go to post a compliment on art they made or stuff like that,
* I remember how I used to kinda talk the same way to that idol person.
* and I wonder if I'm falling into the same traps with these people
* who I'd like to just, call my friends, as friends, not..idolizing.
* it doesn't help that I wonder if I'm..
* giving off a vibe of idolization,
* by leaving a compliment on art they put time and effort into.
* this is probably all super dumb and I'm worrying over nothing but
* that old stuff feels like it's still messing with me now, right?
* I just wish I could be confident it isn't.
* hmf. guess the only way to do that is by getting around it.
* just.. don't even know what's right to do...