[transcribed 2021-04-04]

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Just gonna practice writing all weird, because I feel like it.

I should be doing math but I'm tired of other things.

The world is really complicated. I don't like it, sometimes.

That's normal for everybody, though.

Different people can see things totally different than you do.

That makes me reevaluate how I think about things.

It's really hard to come to any conclusion, sometimes.

Even - especially? - if I try to think about things rationally, logically.

It's easy to just be in agreement about a situation,
and challenging that is hard.

I want to not have to think about it.

I know it's an important part of me in ways, but I want to forget it, maybe.

I want to not remember it.

I want to not have to distract myself from it.

I want to leave it.

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Writing like this is a bit of an escape, but also, it's just that:
a distraction. I'm playing some music sorta loudly, to help me focus,
but also as a way to avoid thinking about... music I don't want to
think about.

It's so frustrating that music and art and creations have a way of
sticking in your head the way they do in mine. My relation with the
_creator_ is complicated, and I don't want to ever think about them,
but their creations stay stuck in my head. I want to be able to not
think about them or anything related, but I don't think there's an
easy way to do that.

I've cut myself off from them now. I've always had them blocked, but
now I've /etc/hosts-banned the sites which I'd always visit to keep
up with... well, people ranting about the stuff they do. I probably
shouldn't have ever been there in the first place. Anyways, hopefully
blocking there means I can break that habit, and at least not hear
about them near as often. That won't stop their creations from ever
popping into my head, but maybe it'll be less frequent. I kinda still
feel gross about all this, by the way. I've blocked them and those
sites, but I haven't come to a conclusion about waht I think of them.
But... I don't really want to decide, anymore. I want to move on and
not think of the matter again. This is the only way - the right way -
to find any resolve in this whole thing - in my life, regarding this -
I think. To not come to a resolution at all.