!serif JOHN: yeah, i thought so. JOHN: i didn't think you'd just stuff yourself like that for no reason, heh! JOHN: and you've been kind of quiet. JOHN: um. sorry. JOHN: what's wrong, jade? What _is_ wrong? You have no idea where to begin. It scares you to think you're just beginning to tackle anything, actually. You should close back up, you tell yourself. Dismiss the notion that anything could be wrong, and _especially_ don't _talk_ about it. You try to shut up that thought, but there's no way for you to rationally convince yourself it's wrong. JOHN: jaaade? Not talking at all is not the right action here. You take a breath and respond. JADE: sorry JADE: um JADE: its not much really, just JOHN: hey... JOHN: i really don't know what's up, but if you don't want to talk about it... JOHN: we don't have to! i just want to look out for ya. JADE: um Here. John is explicitly providing you an out. He is _asking_ to cut it off. You'd be wrong, selfish not to take it. JADE: no its not that JADE: sorry im just finding it a little hard to, you know, figure out exactly what i want to say JADE: i do want to talk though JOHN: sure! JOHN: well, i agree that words can be pretty difficult. JOHN: i never talked with my dad too much, and us friends only actually met each other like a couple weeks ago, after all! John's smiling. At least he's not upset that you're talking at all. You wonder if he misses his father—he hasn't really shown it. JOHN: i try not to think too hard about what i say though. JOHN: mostly that seems to work out okay! JOHN: i don't know if it would work for you, but i'd say it's worth a shot. JADE: hehe, sure john JADE: okay um JADE: i guess im kind of worried i upset davesprite badly JADE: and im also really confused about the stuff we argued over? JADE: i really dont know what to think or do about anything honestly JOHN: oh i know that feeling. JOHN: what's this about dave sprite? JOHN: this boat is really big you know! i don't hear everything that goes on in it! John racks a few utensils he's been half-mindedly scrubbing for the last couple minutes. He rinses the last plate and sets that in as well, then lifts the sink plug. You wonder where the water could possibly be draining to, or where it comes from, for that matter. JADE: well JADE: we got into a bit of an argument i guess JADE: he wanted to know what i thought about jadesprite JADE: and i didnt want to talk about her, but he wouldnt stop asking JADE: that kind of makes him sound in the wrong, but thats the thing JADE: im really not sure he actually is JOHN: oh? i'd say if he kept talking about something and he knew you did not want him to, that is definitely his fault! JADE: yeah i know but JADE: there were a few times when i could have stopped myself from talking anymore JADE: then id have easily cut off the argument just like that JADE: and well JADE: i didnt! JADE: i feel bad about that JOHN: hmm... JOHN: hey, pass me that towel for a second, ok? You give John the drying towel, and he lays it out flat on top of the counter. He grabs the salt and pepper grinders and places them neatly on the near corners of the cloth. You have no idea what he's doing, and wonder if he's intentionally dodging responding to your troubles. Maybe that's yet another cue to drop it yourself. JOHN: i just want to try this idea i had... He moves the still-wet utensils from the dish rack and puts them on the towel, smoothing out the pile into a roughly even line-up. He raises his hands just above them and focuses; he's channeling a light breeze, directly through the arrangement. A few forks are caught by the wind and wobble slightly, bumping into each other. They make a gentle melody of clinks. JOHN: i've been practicing my whole god tier skills. in the thick of sburb, i didn't have much use for small-scale tricks like this, but now that we're on a big long boat ride, they're the only windy things i really bother doing at all! JOHN: here, take a look. John grabs a spoon and hands it to you. You turn it around, feel it closely. Yup. It's dry. JOHN: pretty handy for getting all these dried at once, i think! JADE: hehe, sure is There's a voice inside you that's grumbling, doesn't that make your own help sort of worthless? He can just wind-dry all the dishes in one go, can't he? You tell it that the activity of working on tidying together was worth it in its own right, but you aren't really convincing yourself. JOHN: anyway, heh. enough of that. JOHN: you know, jade, i'm not totally sure. JOHN: i don't think it's your fault for not stopping talking about stuff yourself. JOHN: in fact, i think that was kind of brave of you! JOHN: i know what it's like to find thinking about something difficult, so actually being able to discuss it is pretty impressive. JOHN: and good! even if it sounds like that argument didn't go too well for anyone. JADE: i guess so... JOHN: i still think it was more dave sprite's fault than yours. JOHN: but also, i think maybe that doesn't actually matter? JOHN: you've already had the argument! it's over! it's not like you can just redo it, heh. so i think you shouldn't sweat too much about what you could have done differently. JOHN: now, you know what i think might be more important? JADE: umm JADE: gosh JADE: id guess JADE: the stuff we argued about? JOHN: yes! spot on! sort of. JOHN: see, um... JOHN: why did you even have the argument in the first place? JOHN: well because dave brought it up obviously, but besides that. JADE: uh JADE: because i dont like thinking about jadesprite? JOHN: yes. my question for you would be, why don't you? but i bet he probably said something just like that, and that is what you talked about, right? JADE: mhm! JADE: thats actually exactly right JOHN: heheh. good hunch. JOHN: so you got your feelings out in the air like that, yeah? JOHN: now you've just got to... JOHN: stir up and breathe that air! (heh.) JADE: you mean JADE: think about what i said and why i meant it? JADE: and if i should feel... JADE: differently JADE: about any of that? JOHN: yeah! exactly. JOHN: if you want, i can listen. that way you are able to actually talk about it, which may help. plus i won't argue, so you don't need to worry about me getting upset or anything. i will just listen. JOHN: you know, if or when you want to. any time! You don't know how to take his offer. It's obvious that he wants to help you, and he wants to hear what you have to say. You roll the thought around in your head, but it's not connecting as making sense. Well. It's not that you don't understand. You just don't believe it. What you still can't put together is the notion that talking through the stuff in your head is a good idea. John makes it sound like it is, but whenever you bring anything about yourself up, you make a mess that you can never really clean. Maybe it's easier for him, for everyone else. You've certainly heard your friends let themselves out at you plenty times before, and nothing bad has ever come of that. Of course, you realize, nothing bad comes because you consciously make sure so. You let yourself be a passive entity in the scenario. You listen while your friends talk. They get what they need to out; you absorb it, ready as always. But does that make it _their_ fault for not doing the same for you? Are you, in fact, the only one who knows how to listen? Well. Except for John, now, apparently. That doesn't seem right. Why wouldn't anyone else? And, if that's the case, what are _you_ supposed to do? ...Ask the others to listen to you for a turn? You can't accept that. It's too much to ask. You couldn't tack your own troubles onto all of everyone else's countless stresses—issues much greater than mixed up feelings caused by an out-of-proportion argument, frankly. They deserve not to have to hear you. But John is offering. You can't just decline. Isn't he doing something to help? JADE: i JADE: thank you JADE: i guess so JOHN: yeah! JOHN: um. John sets away the last utensil and shuts the drawer—you hadn't noticed he was actually in the process of putting them away. He turns to you, halfway smiling. JOHN: so... do you want to do that now? _You can't just decline._ Why are you making a big deal of this? He's just offering to let you talk, right? May as well. JADE: welll JADE: sure! John nods, face bright. Maybe saying that _wasn't_ a big deal, but you can't help wondering if that was the only _right_ answer. He offered to wait til later if you prefer, but how would he have reacted if you'd answered that? You don't know—you can't know—but you doubt he'd be quite so happy about it. You aren't sure if that _should_ be a bad thing, though. John swirls around and dashes out the room. A moment passes, and he pokes his heads back in. JOHN: follow me! Alright, no apparently random abandonment here. You follow John down the corridors, flying just behind him. He's much newer to flight than you, but seems to enjoy it just the same. He moves more gently, slower than you were earlier, but you really don't mind; you're just enjoying the time. After a few minutes of navigating the maze, though, you do start to wonder if he actually knows where he's going. But just then he stops with an ah-ha! and floats into— The same living room you were in with Davesprite. Great. You decide not to bring it up. John's put enough effort into just figuring out how to get to his intended destination; you don't want to just disregard that. Still, it's not exactly with comfort that you plop back onto the couch, across from him and the spot you had earlier. JOHN: ok, here we are! JOHN: sorry about that. this place is huge. JADE: oh its no problem! JOHN: sooooo. JOHN: sup? heh. Is he _trying_ to imitate the one you were arguing with at this exact same place less than an hour earlier, who you've come to talk to him about? You aren't sure how to feel about that, and honestly, you're probably just overthinking it. JADE: umm ...You didn't think this through. You followed him here, and now you have no idea what to say, and you're messing it up because you jumped to the conclusion that, yeah, talking is a good idea. As if it's ever been. _Gosh_, you cannot stand to keep going in circles over this. You focus: _Jadesprite._ JADE: right, um JADE: we were arguing over my dream self JADE: aaaand i said id be better off if id never brought her back as jadesprite JADE: but i dont know really JADE: is that too harsh? JOHN: hmmm... JADE: i mean she definitely didnt like being alive again so it sort of makes sense that i shouldnt have put that on her but JADE: i dont know JADE: it upset davesprite so i at least shouldnt have said so to him JOHN: hey! i am not sure if that means you shouldn't have, but again, that is in the past. JOHN: let's not focus on it, yeah? You blink. He doesn't want to hear about it. Something inside you is screaming that, no, this _is_ worth considering and he's trying to shut your thoughts on the things that are pressing _your_ mind down—but whoever that is is being overdramatic. You know how to answer this, how to be fair. JADE: alright JOHN: ok. John nods, affirmative.