sammich goooooddd. also a key lime greek yogurt and then im DONE (eating all day probably im actually very well fed atm alfkfjfgkfjfjf <3)

woag jealous....have had key lime yogurt before...v good

yessssss it’s really good :)

glad leem is fed....

HWAAAAAH back in bed

yay <3

Leem is fed
back in bed! 💚

ERM
I READ THAT OUT LOUD
AND

🤔 “leem” is kind of exactly the same as a certain name we might have gone by approximately 17 years ago 🤔🤔🤔

kjsfhdkjfhskd omg

EIGHTEEN OR NINETEEN I MEAN im old now jeezus

PATS 👍

okay no but literally see our “dead” name is liam but like

HUGS U sorry for maybe inadvertently deadnaming you via pet name wah

HEHEHEHE NO I MEAN HUGS BACK BUT

HUGS ok ok listens <3

JEAR ME PUT hear me out*

YKNOW HOW I ALSO HAVE TWO NAMES tangle and jackie

nods :)

and also how my gender stuff personally has been a total fuck forever, but most markedly of all i sorta like

oh yeah lmao

so there’s this meme “jade harley. assigned male at internet connection”

ccghghhjhb

and it’s FUNNY but im like okay so

Oh holy shit
HEHEHEHEHE
GODDAMMIT WAAAAHHHH :)??? ummmm

yeah so dragon quest 4, literally one of the first games we played, one of its main/player characters (you get to know a bunch) is this tsarevna princess whose name is alena. and she’s a certified Tomboy

i mean like that’s literally her identity it’s freaking deeper than gender. even as gender is obviously a huge part of it

probably someone called her a tomboy derisively but she was five years old and ate up that label word for LUNCH

Well. i played dq4 when i was five years old. and i sure liked alena. and i sure thought being a tomboy looked like the coolest thing ever. so i asked our mom to explain what it even meant

and she said it’s not a very nice word to call anyone, because it’s usually used meanly, and because any kid is allowed to like whatever they like no matter if they’re a girl or a boy... but girls are told they’re SUPPOSED to only like girl things, and those same people call ‘em tomboys if they’re into much of anything else

(to myself) okay i still wanna be a tomboy. maybe even more now. 💚

BECAUSE HERE ALENA WAS JUST RULING THE WORD LIKE IT WAS HER OWN. CUZ IT WAS

anyway i think that informed my childhood gender pov for a while lol

it’s really like
it’s for sure a name LOOONG in the past, but honestly that detachment kinda lets me look back at it and go ‘🤔<3 sure did have some gender things going on too’

ive ALWAYS felt i can’t HATE a name i used to have, after all it really was for me, it was mine! closest i got was like with ‘william’ because i DIDN’T choose that one lol

but yeah from a very young age i had the agency to decide what name i wanted to use, i was offered ‘so like you’re officially william, just curious since you’re growing up now, do you want us to call you that?’ and i was like ‘:) NO WAY’ 💚

honestly the other part is we’ve moved through a bunch of ‘main’ names... i mean in total, liam -> florrie -> jade -> nebula, so yeah “only” four, but like that’s three more than most people kgjgjfjfnfn

(really -> nebula/florrie bc we’re florrie at work but yayaya)

so - :) between gender stuff and name stuff and my own personal experiences which in my opinion like

i mean i feel a lot of ownership over those particular experiences lol, this one for example

you’re DEF not deadnaming or making me uncomfortable at all <3 <3 leem sounds like our really old ancient name and i LIKE that about it, but it’s also MY special word, and there’s a bunch else i specially like about it today, too :) 💚

RAMBLE DONE TYSM FOR LISTENING 💜

i love you <3
thank you for telling me all of this i loved all of it

you toooooo <3 YAY
aw yay that makes me really happy

and also sorry for panicking a little LOL i was just like
like waaaaaah i hope i didnt hurt him ;;
HUGS

HEHE NO PROBLEM I WOULD HAVE DONE AND FELT LITERALLY THE SAME

<3 <3 <3

minutes in the future, but not many

SIGH i really am a little faithful you know. not IN anything i just am

i mean 100% these thoughts are derived from like. a little extremely optional dialogue in dq4 itself which we popped open on our phone totally randomly i think yesterday

lemme screenshot... the context is it’s a house in a relatively middle-to-higher class place. and the house is like. the people in it are. painfully stuffy about their own class lol

so here’s the head honcharina whoever

and HERE’s the girl doing the dishes or supper

quick note

“party chat” is an optional button you press to let your party chime in and say something RELATED to your most recent interaction (or the place you’re in)

but they’re always talking either to themselves or to each other, never back to the NPC

but yeah anyway :) there’s that alena dialogue that like got me thinking again i suppose

i really like that alena feels a camaraderie with this girl they’re talking about who is, you know, facing the same freaking problem of Being Judged For Just Being. despite that the details of the “just being” are totally different

i also love that alena has no problem bitching about this other GIRL doing the judging in question !!!!

and also on top

that alena is cutting through the BS status quo... i mean the girl here (who let’s be real is definitely a lower class maid or servant) is, like, clearly speaking very ‘respectfully’ and ‘highly’ of the ‘young lady of the house’... she’s respecting the difference in position that’s for sure. but

she’s also like almost mocking it, like, ‘god I just don’t understand her... nary the thought, but... oh to think we’re both girls...’

and alena is just like DAMN RIGHT WE’RE BOTH GIRLS. WE ALL ARE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO CLOUDGAZING TOO. YOU COULD USE SOME FRESH AIR

(reminder that although alena basically doesn’t give a shit about her royal duties such as Get Married and Be a Diplomatic Figurine, she sure is literally the daughter of the ruling tsar lol)

(she’s probably out of touch with what her position MEANS but it gives her an excuse to be so goddarn normal and awesome too)

(THE GAME LITERALLY NUDGES AT THIS IF YOU SCROLL BACK TO KIRYL’s DIALOGUE EARLIER IN THE ROOM LOL)

... not IN anything i just am
mostly i just wonder like

did i come to front in part so that i could process my feelings about alena and gender in, like, the background of consciousness, instead of the background background… i mean obviously that isn’t “WHY” but

like Come On there’s no way i passingly notice it yesterday and then correctly make a big connection which took additional, seemingly unrelated steps to get to
By Coincidence
…hehehehehe 💚

not really looking for any insightful comments or whatever, just rambling in your company, it’s nice :) extra ramble done