relationships vent,
i said id stop using mastodon but here i am oops

GG: hhhgh i fucking hate relationshipsing
GG: cannot do it. not the thing for me.

GG: how do i get people to stop knowing me or wanting anything from me or trying to be close to me
GG: how do i take down bridges without burning them???

GG: polyam but really strictly aro, thats the description for meeee
GG: i do not want a soulmate and i do not want anyone to want me as a soulmate
GG: i want emotional transparency and openness but also a respect for boundaries and distance
GG: i dont want any relationships. i dont want dating.
GG: i want to be close to people but i never never want the idea of us being together to come before any aspect of reality, so can we please just fucking drop the acts of romance and superficial closeness

GG: i want respect for the fact that im fucked up. i want people to tell me how they feel instead of assuming i get it. i want literally anything more than an acknowledgement that im there for you. you havent spoken to me about your feelings for a week and when you opened up about your relationship struggles, i was there for you, but when i spoke for even a moment about mine you didnt have a word to say, and wont fucking communicate to me about anything i should be doing better
GG: and im tired and i feel like its just been this for way too long and i cant tell if you enjoy anything about my presence anymore or are only with me begrudgingly, and you refuse to open up about there being anything i could possibly do to help in the slightest

GG: i really cant do any of this anymore and i genuinely enjoy the good times we share but i wish it didnt come with all this fucking baggage, that we could just exist as our own beings with respect for each others existences and it wouldnt be a huge-ass issue
GG: and i know thats not something i can get out of relationships right now, apparently, so i just, desperately want an out