quirk [GG], mh/memory, allusion to childhood abuse

i wish i could remember the details of things in my life as a kid

i remember something shitty and i know im not making it up, but i dont remember the details around it to judge how bad it actually was

quirk [GG], mh/memory, allusion to childhood abuse

its doubly frustrating because i know what happened did, but the only logical way it could have happened is more than a little contrived. this is a double-edged thought, because it makes me feel like either i must be missing some important part of what happened, or what happened was intentional and abusive—but to accept that without proof feels dangerous and like im mischaracterizing the whole ordeal!

quirk [GG], mh/memory, allusion to childhood abuse

so im just left sitting here, thinking, huh. maybe this was bad. or maybe it wasnt! and i will never know!

and as usual this is on top of having zero memory of the surrounding events, so like, i have a vague notion of speaking to someone else about it, but who the hell knows if that is a made-up memory. i couldnt tell you any details of it, so.

it just feels like im looking back on a tapestry thats faded so, so much over (—not even that much!) time, and was probably made out of shitty, overworn material to begin with