A Callout Post on Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley

Where do I even begin? Let’s start with the obvious - give a bit of perspective on where this rat comes from. Yiffany Longstocking is the bastard lovechild of world-renowned goddesses Rose Lalonde and Jade Harley. (Frequenters of this blog should already be well informed as regards their not-so-subtle ways; while I will do my best to serve this post as an independent whole, the uninitiated may visit the attached links for more details.)

You may have heard the rumor that Lalonde was simply a “surrogate” to feed Harley’s desire to spawn a child of her own flesh and blood (among other, less savory bodily fluids); to be frank, this is irresponsible and borderline fetishistic in the first place, and while I’ll touch on that in a moment, I’d like to abolish the fragile lie those “supporting” Yiffy’s existence have been suckling on ever since their “daughter” became common knowledge.

At the most surface level, consider Yiffany’s given name, which, of course, her parents stand by:

ROSE: It was, in hindsight, a monumentally terrible decision acting as the final chapter in a long series of novels, each one full of progressively more terrible decisions than the last.
ROSE: But that is the name that we decided upon.

On their own, the above words of Rose Lalonde - a married woman - are more than cause for concern, but let’s let her finish, shall we?

ROSE: You have to understand... this whole situation ended up playing out a bit like an ironic game of chicken between the two of us.
ROSE: Something that far outstripped anything that the Strider fraternity could have produced in their wildest, most jpegged creative wet dreams.
ROSE: But in the end that triumph of irony came back to bite us in the fucking ass, as irony is wont to do.
ROSE: There was absolutely no possibility of us casually letting you all know that, by the way, we had had a secret daughter named Yiffany Longstocking.
ROSE: At least, not right away.

As if her now infamous choice to bear a child without the knowledge, let alone consent, of her own wed wife were not damning enough, Rose lays plain the approach she and her sex-crazed love puppy took from the start: it was ironic, and a “triumph” in that. God forbid the child be spared even a typical human (or, as Harley so insistently degrades her offspring and self, “dogperson”) name; but the hope that Yiffy might function as a regular child within society, the only thing poor Jade Harley ever wanted for herself growing up, was a literal joke from the start.

We are only privy to a few of their individual choices, but such careless decisions would be more than incriminating enough, even had Lalonde not explicitly described them as representative of the rest already. But consider, provided the pretense of having borne a child out of surrogacy, one’s available options. It would be no complex feat to have a change of heart and make the decision to come clean with one’s spouse, describing the matter of the situation and accepting any response. Challenging, certainly! But, provided a moral compass even functioning in the slightest, the obvious choice.

So what decision do Lalonde and, implicitly, Harley make?

ROSE: But carapacian change-of-name paperwork is so complex and circuitous that, eventually, keeping quiet forever just seemed like the more reasonable option.
ROSE: So...
ROSE: Here we are.

Of course. Mind, there is not a hint of remorse in the goddess’ voice; what she claims to have been “complex and circuitous” was not navigating the consequences of her marital and relational disregard, it is paperwork. Either she is playing us for fools, or she is genuinely so detached from earthly realities that she cannot taste the poison dripping from her every word.

Yiffany was never anything more than a lovechild, the pretense for pushing a depraved breeding kink upon one half of a wed couple, who, of course, was already champing at the bit to betray her perfectly peaceful homelife. Because Rose Lalonde lives for drama, and how better could she embrace this than to cast aside her vows in law and respect for fundamental relationship boundaries, all in the name of hot sex with a childhood friend? “Reasonable,” indeed.