CHAPTER 3. How Are Your Feelings (Preceding Canon)

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JADE: the prince’s power grows.

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KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

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JADE: i feel him resonate through the void.

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KARKAT: FUCKING GREAT.

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DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second

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DAVE: also are you ok

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KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM!

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KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN!

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JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario.

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KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

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KARKAT: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?

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DAVE: yeah i may be totally misunderstanding the intricacies of "next gen technology" designed by an idiot in microshorts

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DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door

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JADE: i unlocked it with my mind.

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DAVE: fuck

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KARKAT: FANTASTIC.

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JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

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KARKAT: WOW? COOL? AND YOU HAD TO COME IN HERE AT THE ASSCRACK OF THE MORNING TO TELL US THIS?

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KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

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JADE: ...

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KARKAT: OH, IS THAT ALL? NOTHING ELSE TO SAY?

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DAVE: karkat its fine

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DAVE: who cares

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KARKAT: YEAH. YOU’RE RIGHT.

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KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO WAKE UP FOR.

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KARKAT: GO BACK TO BED.

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DAVE: no dude im up fuck it

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DAVE: i want coffee

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KARKAT: FUCK! FINE! FUCK IT.

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KARKAT: I NEED TO USE THE GAPER ANYWAY.

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DAVE: oh me too

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KARKAT: DON’T FOLLOW ME.

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ROXY: oh what up

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ROXY: its a whole ass pajama party up in here

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ROXY: couldnt sleep??

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KARKAT: JADE WOKE US UP BY BEING CREEPY.

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ROXY: oh

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ROXY: jade why did u do that

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KARKAT: WHAT?

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KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US!

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ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess

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ROXY: it be like that

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KARKAT: I PREFERRED WHEN ALL SHE DID WAS FLOAT AROUND AND POINT AT SHIT.

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KARKAT: AT LEAST THAT WAS QUIET.

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DAVE: yall want coffee

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ROXY: sure

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KARKAT: YEAH, THANKS.

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DAVE: hate to give it up to venture capitalism but this coffee is EONS better than the garbage we had on the meteor

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DAVE: this ship is maybe the dumbest thing ive ever looked at but its a give and take right

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ROXY: maybe u just developed a taste for it

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ROXY: i used to think coffee tasted like ass but drinkin it was another thing i felt like my mom woulda done

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ROXY: turns out rose drinks tea and i stockholmed my own dumb butt into liking this addictive bean juice

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ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now

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ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away

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ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"

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KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU UP ANYWAY?

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ROXY: well i wasnt but then somebody screamed like a rooster boned a teapot and had a noisy lovechild

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DAVE: yeah thats basically accurate

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KARKAT: FUCK YOU.

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DAVE: maybe if youre lucky

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KARKAT: THAT JOKE STOPS BEING FUNNY WHEN WE’VE ACTUALLY

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KARKAT: UH

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KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

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ROXY: lmao

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ROXY: in the fridge

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DAVE: wheres kanaya

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ROXY: idk

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ROXY: sleepin i hope

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ROXY: last time i saw her she was on the second floor

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ROXY: no

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ROXY: the third floor observation deck

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ROXY: this place is huge

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KARKAT: PLEASE.

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KARKAT: IT’S MAYBE A TENTH THE SIZE OF THE METEOR.

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DAVE: yeah dude but that was basically a city

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DAVE: this is more like a castle

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DAVE: a castle of idk

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DAVE: twenty something ennui

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ROXY: anybody hungry

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ROXY: i was thinkin about alchemizing some pancakes

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ROXY: or maybe eggs

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ROXY: they all basically taste the same at the end of the day i think alchemized food is like eighty percent imagination

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ROXY: but both of you barely eat and its making me anxious

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DAVE: damn thanks mom

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DAVE: i mean

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DAVE: shit

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DAVE: dad

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DAVE: roxy

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DAVE: fuck sorry im tired

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ROXY: haha its ok

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ROXY: dont worry about it

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DAVE: okay but just because our relatives turned evil doesnt mean we have to act like total animals

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DAVE: we can still try to respect each others identities and shit

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DAVE: anyway im gonna go check on kanaya

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DAVE: possessed jade dont follow me

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JADE: i am fine where i am.

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DAVE: cool

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DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this

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DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad

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DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there

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DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

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KANAYA: Hello Dave

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DAVE: sup

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DAVE: am i buggin you

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DAVE: do you want me to leave you to it or

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KANAYA: Not Particularly Now That Youre Here

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KANAYA: But Shouldnt You Be Asleep

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DAVE: shouldnt you

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KANAYA: I Need Less Sleep Than I Used To

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KANAYA: Less Food Too Which Is Fortunate For The Rest Of You

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DAVE: oh right

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DAVE: i always forget about the vampire thing because youre already an alien

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DAVE: and if somebody tried to sit me down and get me to watch a movie about a vampire alien id be like

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DAVE: come on pick a genre

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DAVE: except id watch it anyway because lets be honest the only person whod ever try to get me to watch something like that would be karkat

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DAVE: and if he can get me to watch serendipity he can get me to watch anything

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DAVE: but you get what im saying

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KANAYA: Yes

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DAVE: rose even told me

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DAVE: shit

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DAVE: sorry

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KANAYA: Its Alright To Say Her Name

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DAVE: i just dont want to remind you of that shit if i can avoid it

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KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else

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KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her

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KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

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KANAYA: Well I See Space And The Corner Of My Shoe Right Now

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KANAYA: But Her Too

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KANAYA: Shes There In The Glint Of Fluorescence Shining Off The Shoe

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KANAYA: And Shes Out There Somewhere In The Sea Of Stars

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KANAYA: Which Just Reminds Me Of One Of The Nursery Stories Shed Reserved To Read To Young Broods Of Grubs Back Then

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DAVE: oh huh

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DAVE: i still kind of have a hard time picturing rose reading to kids

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DAVE: maybe a dick thing to say but she doesnt seem like the type

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KANAYA: I Understand

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KANAYA: Its One Thing To Come Into The Responsibilities Of Adulthood Yourself

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KANAYA: And Another To Dwell On Those You Were Once Close To Struggling With Similar Pressures

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KANAYA: Growing Up So To Speak

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KANAYA: Its Strange

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DAVE: yeah

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DAVE: so what was the story

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KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost

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DAVE: flower

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DAVE: like a plant

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KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave

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DAVE: right

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KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

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KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

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KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

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KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

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KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

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KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

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KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

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KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

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KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

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KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

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DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

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KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

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KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

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KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

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KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

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KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All

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KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

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KANAYA: Or Within My Personal Frame Of Reference At Least

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KANAYA: And Made Them Her Own In Some Strange Way

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KANAYA: So I Cant Help But See Her When I See It At All

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KANAYA: Whether Its A Star Or a Lightbulb

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KANAYA: They All Just Leave Her Burnt Into My Mind Like The Blazing Imprint Of An Afterimage

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DAVE: i mean it sounds like you think its BECAUSE shes a god like shes wielding some kind of cosmic power over you

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DAVE: but if it was really true love or w/e

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DAVE: would you even know the difference

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KANAYA: Hmm

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KANAYA: I Guess I Wouldnt

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DAVE: would you want to for that matter like isnt feeling that strongly connected kind of how youd want it to be anyway

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DAVE: i think its how id want it at least

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DAVE: can i sit down

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KANAYA: Of Course

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KANAYA: Its Not My Observation Deck

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DAVE: cool

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DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell

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DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

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DAVE: kinda worried about you sis

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KANAYA: You Dont Have To Call Me That Anymore

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KANAYA: In Fact I Wish You Wouldnt

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KANAYA: It Really Hasnt Ever Been Accurate

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DAVE: yeah well im pretty sure rose didnt serve you divorce papers before she left on her fucked up father/daughter rp

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DAVE: so youre still my sister

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DAVE: i mean you could always decide to divorce her yourself but i doubt youre going to find a lawyer in space

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DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

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DAVE: but yeah this whole situation blows

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KANAYA: You And Karkat Didnt Have To Come With Me

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KANAYA: I Know You Have Your Own Lives And Your Own Matespritship

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DAVE: no offense dude but yeah we did

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DAVE: i wasnt going to let the only family i have left fly off without me

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KANAYA: Roxy Didnt Have To Come Either

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DAVE: debatable

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DAVE: also i dont just mean roxy did you not just hear my heartwarming insistence that i think of you as my sister

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DAVE: and yeah roxy is rad but our relationship is pretty fucking convoluted if were being totally honest

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DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

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DAVE: no stay with me here

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DAVE: i know people grow and change and shit its dumb to think you havent improved or whatever since we met ten years ago

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DAVE: but rose is gone

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DAVE: and roxy isnt gone but he isnt really the same as he was before

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DAVE: maybe thats shitty of me to say and im like leaning in to my own internal biases

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DAVE: but talking to him feels different

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DAVE: and karkat is the same big fucking tool hes always been but our shit is definitely

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DAVE: uh

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DAVE: different than it was before

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DAVE: but yeah you i can always still recognize

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KANAYA: I Am Quite Easy To Locate In The Dark

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DAVE: heh

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DAVE: yeah

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KANAYA: Thank You

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DAVE: for what

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KANAYA: For Reminding Me Why Im Here

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DAVE: cool

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KANAYA: Since We Are Sharing In This Human Emotion Called Friendship

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KANAYA: What About You

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DAVE: what about me what

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KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

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DAVE: oh those

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DAVE: yeah theyre pretty good

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DAVE: not much to say on that front

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DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad

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DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

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DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

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DAVE: anyway i forgot what my point was but yeah im fine

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DAVE: though what the fuck does that even mean anymore for any of us

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DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

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DAVE: maybe this is better

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DAVE: at least this way we cant fuck it up worse

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DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

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DAVE: maybe dirk actually did the smartest thing he could

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DAVE: fucking left

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KANAYA: Perhaps

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KANAYA: But He Did Leave Arguably The Two Worst Possible People In Charge When He Did

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DAVE: man i guess

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DAVE: but who knows maybe jane will turn out to be a great president

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DAVE: maybe without dirks corrupting influence jakes ass will become a symbol of peace and interspecies harmony

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DAVE: at least everyone can agree on something

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DAVE: shit how does this always happen

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DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

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KANAYA: Not To Suggest Anything Untoward

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KANAYA: But You Appear To Be The Unifying Component In All Of These Scenarios

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DAVE: could be

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DAVE: but all that aside i really do think were better off out here

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DAVE: at least i am

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ROXY: sooooo

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ROXY: do u want pancakes

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ROXY: i can make pancakes

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KARKAT: DO YOU THINK HE’S OKAY?

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ROXY: who

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KARKAT: DAVE.

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ROXY: idk you know him better than i do

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ROXY: actually i think u know him better than anybody might know anybody??

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ROXY: you guys are like the real fuckin deal

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KARKAT: I GUESS??

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KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE.

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KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU?

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ROXY: not rly

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KARKAT: EXACTLY.

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KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

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KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

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KARKAT: ALL OF YOU LOST YOUR FAMILY. I JUST LOST SOME PEOPLE I SORT OF KNOW.

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KARKAT: AND THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE, AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.

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KARKAT: FUCK, CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW IT WOULD HAVE SHOOK OUT IF JAKE HADN’T SHIT HIMSELF ONSTAGE?

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ROXY: prbly way less smelly

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KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW WHY I LET DAVE TALK ME INTO IT. JESUS CHRIST.

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KARKAT: NOTHING GOOD HAS EVER COME OF ME BEING IN CHARGE OF JACK DICK.

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KARKAT: TO BE HONEST, I THINK JANE WINNING THE PRESIDENCY MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME?

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KARKAT: EVERY TIME I’VE EVER TRIED TO "LEAD" ANYTHING IT’S BLOWN UP IN MY FACE.

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KARKAT: DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN I WAS A WRIGGLER I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE THE GUY TO LEAD ALL OF MY FRIENDS TO GLORY?

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KARKAT: I LITERALLY FOUGHT PEOPLE FOR CONTROL OF THE TEAM, AND WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING WAS LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS BESIDES KANAYA DIED.

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KARKAT: ACTUALLY, SHE DID DIE!

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KARKAT: FUCK!

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KARKAT: I’M ZERO FOR ZERO!

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ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that

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KARKAT: NO.

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KARKAT: MY POINT IS, THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE SCENARIO FOR ME. I DON’T EVEN LIKE EARTH THAT MUCH.

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ROXY: well ur lucky i guess

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KARKAT: NO, I’M NOT--FUCK. I’M NOT TRYING TO BRAG ABOUT IT!

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KARKAT: I’M JUST SAYING, DON’T WASTE YOUR SYMPATHY ON ME.

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KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED.

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KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

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KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

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ROXY: fucked up if tru

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KARKAT: WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A LITERAL UNIVERSE-SHATTERING WAR FOR THE CONTINUATION OF OUR RACES, AND DAVE AND I JUST SPENT THREE YEARS CLIMBING UP EACH OTHER’S NOOKS AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. AND I GUESS ALSO SAVING PARADOX SPACE.

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ROXY: so what ur saying is love can bloom even on the battlefield

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KARKAT: I GUESS.

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ROXY: so...u want pancakes?

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KARKAT: YEAH. OKAY.

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