path: root/album/bittersweet.yaml

Album: Bittersweet
Artists:
- Jamie Paige
Date: November 12, 2021
Date Added: October 12, 2023
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/album/bittersweet
Cover Artists:
- REVERIEQUE
Color: '#ea3386'
Groups:
- Jamie Paige
- Beyond
Cover Art File Extension: jpg
Commentary: |-
    <i>Jamie Paige:</i>
    for guiding this album's creation, and for their indispensable friendship, I give special thanks to:
    marcy, madi, bluffy, que, fionna, alexis, fen, crows, grey, jeremy, samm, rocky, sly, lead, autumn, miranda, birdy, drake, jenna, lunie, sadie, my families both found and born into, paisley pudge, ekho paialthe, kalia vibte, jim boonie only, rock chat, the sorority, reverse despicable me au, borb, the scary lizard league, the puk pit...
    and, of course, my dearest darling, honor <3
    and paul henderson.
    have fun parsing what any of that means!
---
Track: Second Hello
Duration: '1:47'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/second-hello
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CG_dtKnboY
Lyrics: |-
    I say hello to you again
    My near and dearest friend
    We watch the weather come and go
    (But my heart won't play pretend)

    Am I the person you expect?
    Maybe no and maybe yes
    The answer seems some in-between
    (Or multiplicitous)

    I say hello to you again
    My old and newest friend
    Like autumn, winter, into spring
    (My heart will make amends)

    So we might sound a little different, or like we never even left
    Yeah, we could say the same or embrace the change
    But we're better off this way
---
Track: Gentle Heart
Contributors:
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '3:56'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/gentle-heart
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmO5TAz1NIY
Lyrics: |-
    I sat out in the rain
    To soothe my racing brain
    But anxiety comes through
    When I begin to think of you
    Oh I study where I am
    To try and ground myself again
    But I am led astray
    And distracted by the rain

    Oh, my gentle heart beats for you, oh
    And all I can hear rings so true
    But my gentle heart is pained to see
    My darkest fears, my jealousy
    So my gentle heart trusts in you
    That you might know what to do

    I talk to you again
    We talk about our friends
    And everything that we're built on
    How when I'm down it seems far gone
    And that feeling comes again
    That doubt for everything I am
    It's easier with you
    But it's so hard for me to trust the truth

    Oh, my gentle heart beats for you
    And all I can hear rings so true
    But my gentle heart is pained to see
    All of the shadows inside of me
    So my gentle heart breaks in two
    When I think of losing you

    I'm sprawled out in the rain
    My energy is drained
    And anxiety comes through
    To tell me that my fear is true

    It's roaring at my back
    The pain of everything I lack
    But I don't think its true
    I'll trust that you can love me too
---
Track: Asemic Speech
Contributors:
- telebasher
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '5:11'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/asemic-speech-feat-telebasher
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrBOCt4D7FM
Lyrics: |-
    (Fuck, what am I?)

    I feel a feeling indescribable
    My head is spinning like a bicycle wheel
    (And the words come flooding into my ears)
    But my mind is stolen right from under me
    I'm overcome with every feeling for you
    (Yet my voice is just content to stay clear)

    I love you, adore you
    I hope that doesn't bore you
    I want you, I need you
    Oh god, I want to speak, but- but- b-bleh

    But it's so hard to say the things that I'm thinking
    Like steel in water, I'm sinking
    (Too many to say)
    I babble in wordless form
    Getting lost in the feeling

    When I see you beaming
    The things around me lose meaning
    (Asemic and gray)
    And Jupiter's endless storm
    Just a stain on the ceiling

    And I'm inconsolable
    There's no more words to be spoken
    (Just melting letters in fantastical forms)
    Like the spill of the milky way
    All my words come out broken

    And I don't even know what they should mean
    (All my feelings unseen)

    I say a phrase unrecognizable
    My sense is stolen by some sly little thief
    (I just hope that you somehow get what I mean)

    My heart, it beats so fast
    (And it shatters like its glass)
    Do you know who the beat breaks for?
    Just chasing around a sunbeam
    (Reflected off my phone screen)
    I'll take what I can get, no more

    I love you, so dearly
    But I can't say it clearly
    I stammer for hours
    And- and- and- umm

    'Cause it's so hard to say the things that I'm feeling
    A fish out of water, I'm reeling
    (Too many to say)
    My head flies to meet the clouds
    Watch it bounce off the ceiling

    My greeting is nonsense
    I talk in pictures, no content
    (Asemic and gray)
    I'm hopelessly beyond my means
    So far out of the context

    I'm purely emotional
    My love conveyed in the worst way
    (Just melting letters in fantastical forms)
    Laid prostrate beside myself
    And that words that I should say

    But I can't move my mouth to match my heart
    (They work so far apart)
    I move so fast but end up where I start
    (Less than all of my parts)
    But if you navigate it
    Maybe you can validate it
    And we can call these abstract works of art
    (Drawn right onto my heart)

    And if I bridge the gap from thought to speech
    (Find the words that I need)
    Then I could tell you what you mean to me
---
Track: Nothing (with You)
Contributors:
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '3:50'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/nothing-with-you
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muY-3Ot8Vcs
Lyrics: |-
    "Don't you want to feel seen? Don't you want to be heard?
    You can be complete, in a single word"
    That's the thing they say, that's the point of view
    In a single word, that is all of you

    But ain't it plain to see that it's all for show
    Just a snide appeal to the status quo
    You can be much more than a catchy tune
    But if it don't sell well, they don't want that 'you'

    So is it worth it in the end
    To close your eyes and make pretend
    That you can find your satisfaction in a brand?

    I wanna be nothing with you
    A thing that can't be viewed
    No careful meaningful design
    Not easily reduced
    We'll be an idea, not the truth
    Not something you can prove
    Subliminal, invisible
    Unthinkable anew

    I wanna be nothing with you
    And make the world confused
    No holding up to scrutiny
    Impossibly obtuse
    And maybe folk will call us mistaken
    Try to fit us into a station
    But I'd rather be a phantom
    Than a fucking target group
    (I wanna be-)
    (I wanna be-)

    Maybe you're convinced that it's really true
    And the man up top really does see you
    But it all falls flat experientially
    Capital don't care unless it means money

    But is it worth it in the end
    To close our eyes and make pretend
    Our love's a thing that they could ever understand?

    (I wanna be-)
    Why don't you be nothing with me?
    A gentle force unseen
    So ultraviolet, infrared
    We live beyond belief
    Unstring all the ties and guarantees
    To be with everything
    We'll write the words our stories tell
    And take them underwing

    (I wanna be-)
    So come and be nothing with me
    All red and gold and green
    Our peace of mind is undefined
    Empyrean, obscene
    And maybe folk will try to define us
    Through some definition divide us
    But they'll never truly hide us
    If they don't know what we mean

    (I wanna be nothing)
    (I wanna be-)
    (I wanna be-)
    (I wanna be-)

    We'll be nothing in the end
    A form that no one comprehends
    But I am real and you're real
    And we're something real again
    And so it's worth it in the end
    To close our eyes, and to transcend
    We do our best to dodge the real and play pretend
---
Track: Paisley Patterns
Duration: '3:27'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/paisley-patterns
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeWlNVGzJaI
Lyrics: |-
    You think that you've got it all
    But you don't know the half of it
    You're a lizard sat atop a rock
    And you don't even know the size of it

    There's a feeling setting fires in your chest
    And though you always shoot then let another ask the rest
    Maybe you should stop ignoring what you've known for all this time
    Your stalwart soul is begging you to open wide, set alight

    Paisley patterns adorn her soul
    A pink wallpaper on a cabinet door
    Throw wide those gates and let the feeling pass
    Make a true protector from a heart of glass
    You might say the sword and shield has never suited you
    But who would wield it stronger and more passionate than you?
    A love that burns aflame like nothing else I've ever seen
    The fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean

    You think she's a know-it-all
    She thinks you're... a lot of things
    But you can make her spirit sing
    And she'll make sure your heart will thaw (She says)
    "Love will conquer all of you and all of me"
    And being by her side, well, you can't help it but believe
    She's a timid little presence with a fire in her eyes
    And your reflection sits inside, catalyzed and set alight

    Paisley patterns adorn her soul
    A teardrop painted on a maple board
    One gentle echo of a long-lost past
    Let her put some color in a heart of glass
    You might think shes held up by some long-forgotten ways
    But maybe there is value in the things she has to say
    A love to keep a family tied together evergreen
    The fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean

    You think that you've got it all
    But you don't know the half of it

    Paisley Pudge, its a simple phrase
    But its a title with a lot of weight
    My little darling in a hand-built world
    An inspiration to a lonely girl
    You will never know the kinds of things you mean to me
    But isn't that the beauty of a character, you think?
    A love that's unconditional and just for you and me
    The fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean
    And running like a lean machine, so pristine
    And though the words are failing me, incomplete
    We'll call it what it wants to be - bittersweet

    Paisley Pudge, Paisley Pudge, Paisley Pudge, Paisley Pudge
    PAISLEY PUDGE!
---
Track: Gummyworm
Contributors:
- blackwinterwells
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '4:47'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/gummyworm
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SLftouEUL4
Lyrics: |-
    Silent and lugubrious, I wander down the hall
    Time gets wasted here, I think I've lost it all
    You masqueraded as the one to save my soul
    But now I know; a sublingual dose

    Sugary sweet like candy
    Rotting my teeth and memory
    Annihilating my purpose
    Now I've melted in your mouth
    Biting my tongue for answers
    Sucking that sweet for hours
    Fucking my head up proper
    Now my stomach hurts

    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm, do I make you squirm?
    I sent my soul somewhere far away
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm, does the memory hurt?
    I lost my mind, now I'm in a daze

    (Oh, I forgot the words)
    As I stumble through the door
    Mind is racing still; it leaves me wanting more
    You fogged my vision up, now everything's obscured
    You go to work; my god, it hurts

    Absolute awful shithead
    Trusting the things that you said
    Eroding my sense of comfort
    I am falling faster now
    Saccharine empty fleeting
    Colorful words with no meaning
    Stuffing my face with sugar
    Crashing straight into the ground

    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm, do I make you squirm?
    I sent my soul somewhere far away
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm
    Oh, gummyworm, does the memory hurt?
    I lost my mind, now I'm in a daze
---
Track: Greatsword / Love as Fire
Duration: '3:48'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/greatsword-love-as-fire
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfOt7c8KRgo
Lyrics: |-
    There's a fire burning within me
    (Enough to set a mind alight)
    Keeps me safe from what hurts me
    That's why it started
    But there's burns on my heart now
    All cauterized and scarred up
    (Doesn't do much more than hurt us)

    And I still fight as much as I'm able
    (Held up by a greatsword)
    But that can't hide all the pain felt
    I'm a stalwart soldier
    Kept warm by a fire
    It can burn so gentle
    (So why is it painful?)

    You can be so gentle
    When I get done fighting
    Maybe I'm a lover
    Not a soldier struggling

    You're my shield, loyal light
    A gentle warmth in the blackest night
    I'm your charge, you're my guard
    So I'll just stay right by your side
    I forget myself sometimes
    When I'm lost then you remind
    I am your sword, hold me tight
    Keep me safe right by your side

    If I'm playing with fire I'm bound to get burned
    But I know there's more than the surface
    I can learn to love you, and you'll burn to fuel me
    (There's more to the flame than the pain, come and be my blaze)
    And we'll keep to the paths you light up (Like candles to guide me)
    So much fighting before us, but the thing with fire
    There's a lot its good for, destruction and healing
    (Or forging a greatsword)

    I'm a weapon of passion
    That's held with intention
    And you are the wielder
    Of tempered emotion

    You're my moon, loyal light
    You orbit 'round and pull my tides
    I reach out towards the skies
    So I can stay right by your side
    I forget my worth sometimes
    But I was forged in love as fire
    I am your sword, hold me tight
    Keep me safe right by your side

    There's a fire aflame in my heart that'll never burn away
    Feeling and passion, the ardor of comfort and pain
    It would kill if I tried to deny or to live off of the blaze
    So I dance in-between with the pyre to forge my blade
---
Track: Ally
Contributors:
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '3:21'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/ally
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlq_qt7jpJg
Lyrics: |-
    Thought that my pride was on the mend
    Before it shattered
    I'd like to think that I'd fix it on my own
    But that's the matter
    'Cause I'd go and throw it all away
    To save my ego
    And the empty prize is I get to be alone
    So what do I know?

    But when I lose the way
    You keep me aiming true
    There's nothing out of view
    (Jump on through over to you!)

    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    Though the road's been long and winding, I'm so proud to call you family
    You're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me
    I'm just making up the hours, how I needed you so badly

    Thought I could make it on my own, not even nearly
    But I'm scared to say that there ain't no other way
    (But now I see it all so clearly)
    I am no island, I'm a piece of something bigger
    And I work the best when your sweet heart gets to rest next to my bitter
    (Oh, it's so much better this way)

    So we keep our hands held tight
    And shoot toward the moon
    You might catch a glimpse or two
    (Break right through over to you!)

    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    Though the road's been long and winding, I'm so proud to call you family
    You're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me
    I'm just making up the hours, how I needed you so badly
    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    I've been hopelessly awaiting what was always right beside me
    You're my ally, alleyway between the peaks and valleys
    I'm just making up the hours, how I needed you so badly

    (Jump on through over to you)

    Keep my head held high
    Green and red so bright
    Illuminate the night
    (Break right through over to you)

    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    I've been waiting all this time to say I needed you so badly
    You're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me
    So it's true, there's nothing left to do
    (Jump on through over to you)
    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    I couldn't find myself without you, you just came along and saved me
    You're my ally, alleyway between the peaks and valleys
    I'm just making up the hours, how I needed you so badly

    You're my ally-alli, I will take you in so gladly
    You're my ally-alli, I'm so free to take you with me
---
Track: Ballroom
Contributors:
- Marcy Nabors
- GUMI English (Vocaloid)
Duration: '4:55'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/ballroom-feat-marcy-nabors
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQm_cQHXFSs
Lyrics: |-
    Welcome to the fiction
    We hide here every evening
    With plenty of exuberance
    And voices for the voiceless

    But if I look out on the floor
    Is there room for anymore?
    I'm a buzzkill and a bore
    I'm not the person this is for
    But I'm tired of civil war
    My spirit is screaming out for more
    It's all just too much to ignore
    That I could be something more
    (We could be something more)

    The sprawl of the ballroom
    With the lights down low
    I know you see my eyes aglow
    My hand is extended
    To offer you a dance
    By chance, would you welcome my romance?
    And we both know, it's fantasy
    (But the feeling is real, it's real for you and me)
    The sprawl of the ballroom
    (With the lights down low)

    I'm a grease spill and a bad time
    So I look around me, see the fault lines
    Every soul here has a problem
    But when they're together, they are flawless
    But there's no pretending nothing's wrong
    They'll figure it out that I'm a fraud
    But I still try to play along
    'Cause I just want to belong
    (Do I belong?)

    The sprawl of the ballroom
    With the lights down low
    I know you see my eyes aglow
    My hand is extended
    To offer you a dance
    Advance, my darling take a chance
    And we're no kings, you and I
    (But being together, we're royalty tonight)
    The sprawl of the ballroom
    (Hold me close)

    I'm so tired of the fiction (Who are we)
    I get so caught up in the friction (You and me)
    But it's okay to let it go (We can be so free)
    And find a comfort in the show (A thing nobody knows)
    Are you a martyr well-deserved
    Or just afraid of what doesn't hurt?
    My darling, I know it all too well
    (but we're all pretending to be ourselves)
    So maybe you're real, maybe fake
    But your life is always your own to make
    So let's enjoy it for it's own sake!

    The sprawl of the ballroom
    With the lights down low
    I know you see my eyes aglow
    It's artifice exalted, a foxtrot fantasy
    You see? Don't you worry about a thing
    And we may part in the end
    (But you can always come back around again)
    The sprawl of the ballroom
    And my hands held tight
    Alright, we'll be back another night!

    Welcome to the fiction
    We hide here every evening
    With plenty of exuberance
    And voices for the voiceless
---
Track: Bittersweet
Duration: '4:16'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/bittersweet
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaXTfaiSGQ0
Lyrics: |-
    Oh, it's another day over
    And I'm left wondering what for
    I sat and stared at a paper
    And tried so hard to ignore
    The thoughts all swirling inside me
    That say I'm broken, a bore
    I lead it on with a paper
    A silent, desolate score

    I make time for you
    You make pain for free
    But I know you're my dream
    I'll take anything
    And I mean anything

    My coffee bean dream, so bittersweet
    (Oh, I want to make a mistake with you)
    Oh, seraphim schemes and self-esteem
    (Oh, so many things I should say to you)
    'Cause oh my god I love you, but you tear me apart
    You're my savior and my devil, stab me straight through the heart
    A plasticine sheen, you're so bittersweet
    And all I want is to stay with you

    I'm another day closer
    To the end of my life
    It all gets wasted on nothing
    I watch the flickering light

    I would kneel for you
    Sat down on my knees
    You'd just hurt me more
    Hurt me 'till I bleed
    (Oh god I'm desperate to bleed)

    My coffee bean dream, it's so bittersweet
    (Oh, I want to make a mistake with you)
    A polyseme scream, such a stupid thing
    (Oh, so many things I should say to you)
    'Cause oh my god I love you, I can't take any more
    But if I'm not creating, what the fuck am I for?
    I burst at the seams, you're so bittersweet
    (And all I want is to stay with you)

    It wasn't always like this
    I'm just resigned to the pain
    But does the fight define us
    Or does it waste us away?
    I am much more than the sum of my work
    And even without you there's so much I am worth
    But I know there's still joy to be found in a song

    My coffee bean dream, so bittersweet
    (Oh, I want to make something more with you)
    These scenes stay unseen, that's okay with me
    (Oh, so many things I will share with you)
    'Cause oh my god I love you, but I'm more than my love
    And as long as I'm complete alone
    There's still room for us, you'll be my treat, so bittersweet
    (And all I want is to stay with you)
---
Track: Close
Contributors:
- Bluffy
- Mattmatatt
Duration: '4:50'
URLs:
- https://jamiepaige.bandcamp.com/track/close-feat-bluffy-mattmatatt
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEVpnE0LzQw
Lyrics: |-
    "At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options."

    I look across the distance
    The bits and bytes between us
    Looking at the time it'd take
    To drop everything and head that way
    I melt a hole in my phone screen
    Waiting for reply so intently
    It's hard to be present here
    When my everything is nowhere near

    Separate beings, the want to unite but
    Distance keeps us away
    Desperate pining for tactile connection
    But it leads me astray
    Take my feelings and knock on the front door
    But it keeps me away
    Send a message across all the distance
    Praying you'll find a way

    Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?
    Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true
    Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?
    Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true

    Stay with me (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    Oh, rest your weary head (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    We may feel so far away (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    But we can throw that gap away, if you'll just (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)

    I'll fall asleep and dream here with you
    Three thousand miles at ten and one
    A wire-crossed and tangled romance
    Some voicemail's all I'm askin' for (Are you gonna pick up? Are you there? Do you care? Do you care?)

    Separate feelings I want to unite, but
    I can't make it okay
    And I know you've tried to get closer
    But I'll still push you away (Come closer)
    Pulled away by the distance between us
    From a single mistake
    And although I've tried to get closer
    It all still keeps me awake (Come closer)

    Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?
    Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true
    Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?
    Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true

    Stay with me (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    Oh, and rest your weary head (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    We may feel so far away (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    But we can throw that gap away, if you'll just (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    Stay with me (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    Oh, it's more than just a dream (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    Though it's hard for me to say (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    I know you're not so far away, if you'll just (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)

    It's so hard for me to trust your heart
    That you love me even when we're apart
    But I know it's true
    How could I not believe in you?
    God, the miles are more than I can bare
    But I have to try if you'll be there
    The day I land between your arms
    Darling don't be scared, it ain't that far!
    (Hey!)

    (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)

    Jamie Paige (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    Oh, that's my fucking name (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)
    I am real and I'm okay (Can I still be close to you? Can I still get close to you?)
    And I will live another day! (Yeah, I can still get close to you, and we can keep this feeling true)