Album: '[S] Press Play'
Directory Suffix: press-play
Date: January 4, 2021
Date Added: January 1, 2023
Additional Names:
- Name: >-
    [S] Press Play - A Homestuck Audio Fanzine
  Annotation: >-
    [itch.io](https://yoitscro.itch.io/s-press-play)
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/album/s-press-play
- https://yoitscro.itch.io/s-press-play
Color: '#a1c3fc'
Cover Artists:
- YoItsCro
Banner Artists:
- YoItsCro
- Niklink (edits for wiki)
Cover Art File Extension: png
Track Art File Extension: png
Banner File Extension: png
Banner Dimensions: 1100x180
Groups:
- Fandom
Additional Files:
- Title: Bandcamp Banner
  Files:
  - banner.png
- Title: Album Credits
  Files:
  - Credits.png
- Title: Transcripts & Miscellany (from itch.io)
  Files:
  - Cronus Goes to the DMVW - Transcript.pdf
  - How to Diagnose a Vriska - Transcript.pdf
  - Kanayas Happy Time Meme Minute - Transcript.pdf
  - On An Island Far Away - Jade commentary.txt
  - Serenity_s Haiku Translation.png
  - Vriskas Dragon Transcript.txt
Commentary: |-
    <i>YoItsCro:</i>
    [S] Press Play is a Homestuck audio fanzine, featuring multiple pieces from various artists! Started in early 2020 and releasing in beginning of this new year.

    <i>What's an audio zine?</i>
    An audio zine is a zine that features auditory pieces of work. They were more commonly known as tapezines or cassette zines before sharing music and audio online through the internet was commonplace.

    <i>What's featured in this one?</i>
    About an hour of 16 audio pieces that feature Homestuck inspired content (such as music and skits), paired with cover art for almost each one!
---
Track: 2012Core
Artists:
- YoItsCro
Duration: 00:39
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/2012core
Referenced Tracks:
- Homestuck Anthem
---
Track: On An Island Far Away
Artists:
- Circlejourney
Contributors:
- Funk McLovin (trumpet)
Cover Artists:
- paging_possum
Duration: 03:30
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/on-an-island-far-away
Art Tags:
- Jade
- Becquerel
- Frog Temple
- Earth
Commentary: |-
    <i>Circlejourney:</i> ([Jade commentary.txt](https://media.hsmusic.wiki/album-additional/s-press-play/On%20An%20Island%20Far%20Away%20-%20Jade%20commentary.txt))
    Meeting Jade, for me, was the moment when I knew Homestuck was one of my favourite stories.

    As someone who also grew up on a small island—but it was a very different island, I should say—there's something about her story that just uniquely captivates me.

    Living alone on an atoll beside a volcano, keeping greenhouse gardens, playing the bass with a dream-controlled robot, with only the remnants of a history she can't yet fathom, and a teleporting dog that was both guardian and looming premonition in one, her life always seemed so idyllic, and yet so profoundly lonely. She may have had friends, but those friends were always there in proxy.

    From the very start, her entire life was destined to be part of a much grander design, and that future was always finding ways to seep into her present. With the entire timeline of her life accessible to a troll in a different universe, everything seemed to happen because of the things she would someday do, the person she would someday become.

    As the story progresses, Jade goes from lonely child with dog guardian to a fully-fledged Witch of Space, moving planets at will--and yet she is still immensely lonely, amidst it all.

    Jade encapsulates everything I love about Homestuck--its narrative style of quiet moments punctuated by chaos, of fates being manipulated from a distance, and the metaphysical internet that links it all together.

    The awe I felt as I delved into her tale is something I tried to capture in this piece of music. I included her classic instruments, the electric bass and the flute, and some wolf howl effects to signify Bec. Altogether, it's meant to be peaceful, triumphant and nostalgic, the way her story is for me.

    It's about the time before her first brush with SBURB, when she was a girl on an island far away. How her life always saw a surplus of space and emptiness, and how she could always see so far into it.

    I like to imagine that there were moments amidst it all where she could simply be a child, playing with a dog on her island without a care in the world.
---
Track: Polyepoxide
Artists:
- karketamine
Cover Artists:
- Leo Fox
Duration: 03:35
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/polyepoxide
Art Tags:
- Dave
---
Track: Kanaya's Happy Time Meme Minute
Artists:
- Jonaya Riley
Cover Artists:
- Jonaya Riley
Duration: 03:07
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/kanayas-happy-time-meme-minute
# Sampled Tracks:
# - Rick & Morty
# - THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
# - Robotnik's Pingas Machine
Art Tags:
- Kanaya
- Rose
- Dave
Lyrics: |-
    Kanaya: Hello, my name is Kanaya Maryam, and I am an internet streamer... Rose, Dave, is that the right term? Am I streaming on the Internet?

    Dave: Dope-ass meme lord more like, am I right?

    Kanaya: Oh, okay. My name is Kanaya Maryam and I am a dope-ass meme lord. Why are you both snickering?

    Dave: Watch the memes!

    Kanaya: I have been told that I should review a series of Earth memes. The reason for this has not been made sufficiently clear to me. I trust it will reveal itself in time. Or it will be revealed that a certain pair of siblings is perhaps, to use a human phrase, messing with me.

    (Uh, here's something that's never happened before. I'm a pickle. I'm Pickle Riiiiiick!)

    Kanaya: Ah. Here we have a man who has turned himself into a pickle. He is... Pickle Rick.

    Dave: Funniest shit you ever saw?

    Kanaya: Dave has asked me if this is the funniest shit I have ever viewed. I can assure you that it is not.

    (HOLD ON! HOLD ON! HOLD ON... HER SISTER WAS A WITCH! RIGHT?!)

    Kanaya: Are humans normally so passionate about witches? Rose, do you know of this witch? Are they perhaps a friend of yours?

    Rose: Do you think all magic users know each other?

    Kanaya: Yes?

    Rose: No.

    (Indeed! If I had the PINGAS I could terorrize all of Mobius!)

    Kanaya: What is a pingas? Dave, do you know what a pingas is?

    Dave: [laughing]

    Kanaya: That is not helpful. Rose, do you know what a pingas is?

    Rose: Oh my god Kanaya. The joke is it sounds like...

    Kanaya: Pingas... pingas... Oh. Oh my.

    Rose: [laughing]

    (Dirk: I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al Quaeda.)

    Kanaya: Is that... Dirk?

    Dave: Yep.

    Kanaya: Why is he doing this? I do not know what a Navy Seal is but I am quite confident that Dirk was never one.

    Dave: Nah, he totally was.

    Kanaya: What?

    Dave: Yep. Had 69 confirmed kills in 'Nam. Nice.

    Kanaya: Dave... you are aware that my generally even demeanor does not imply that I am unfamiliar with the concept of jokes, correct?

    Dave: Theory versus practice, Kanaya.

    Rose: Oh shut up, Dave.

    Kanaya: Yes, please do what my hot wife suggests.

    Rose: [laughing]

    Kanaya: I think that has been quite enough for today. Please join me next time as I continue to pretend  that I am not in on the silly jokes that my darling wife and her ridiculous brother continue to try to play on me.

    Dave: What?

    Kanaya: I was just saying that you are truly the dopest of the ass meme lords, Dave.

    Dave: Nice.

    Kanaya: [laughs]
---
Track: Roxtalgia
Artists:
- tempest2k
Cover Artists:
- Homestuck
Duration: 00:30
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/roxtalgia
Referenced Tracks:
- Title (The Legend of Zelda)
---
Track: Planet Healer
Suffix Directory: true
Always Reference By Directory: true
Artists:
- awsomfaic
Cover Artists:
- Zelpixel
Duration: 03:58
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/planet-healer
Art Tags:
- June
- LoWaS
---
Track: Megalovania Super Lucky Edition
Artists:
- Funk McLovin
Cover Artists:
- Bucky Grant
Duration: 02:24
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/megalovania-super-lucky-edition
Referenced Tracks:
- track:megalovania-undertale
# Sampled Tracks:
# - i wish you luck? idk
# - Mulan the cartoon one
# - Dirty Harry
Art Tags:
- Vriska
Lyrics: |-
    (I wish you luck.)

    (What? What do you mean you got lucky? You lied to me?)

    (You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?)
---
Track: How to Diagnose a Vriska
Artists:
- Jonaya Riley
- Bucky Grant
Cover Artists:
- Funk McLovin
Duration: 08:32
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/how-to-diagnose-a-vriska
Art Tags:
- Vriska
Lyrics: |-
    Jonaya: Hello, I'm Jonaya,

    Bucky: And I'm Bucky,

    Jonaya: And welcome to "How to Diagnose a Vriska," a thinkpiece on how we, the hosts of Will it Homestuck, see Vriska as a character and diagnose her archetype in other pieces of media. I use she/her pronouns,

    Bucky: And I use he/hir or they/them pronouns. Let's get started!

    Jonaya: Why is talking about Vriska important to you?

    Bucky: For me, it's important to look at where we can find more Vriskas in fiction because I like terrible women! Vriska is important because she's a dirty, nasty girl who is really trying hard to be a good person, or at the very least do what she believes is the right thing. There's a lot of room for a lot more characters who do something like what she does in the narrative of Homestuck in other pieces of media. I want to push for more messy women!

    Jonaya: Vriskas are a character archetype in their own right - ones that sometimes intersect with other character archetypes but ultimately stand out on their own. We can definitely look at the surface-level stuff - the asymmetrical eyes and arms and the general aesthetic - but we think there's more to it than that. I usually like to start by looking at the character's relationship to the narrative and how that intersects with her own experiences. A Vriska might not always be the hero of the story - probably isn't usually the hero of the story - but she sure would like to be! A character with a strong desire to be in the spotlight often has a good chance of being a contender for the role of the Vriska. But that's just one small part of the analysis - we here at the Vriska Analysis department of Will it Homestuck have developed a series of criteria to use to identify Vriskas in media.

    Bucky: With that in mind, let's get into the meat of it.

    Jonaya: What are some important Vriska characteristics to you when looking to understand and diagnose a Vriska?

    Bucky: An extremely important part of Vriska is her relationships. She is influenced heavily by her ancestor, Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, and by Doc Scratch, the grand host bastard himself. She also has Tavros, who she feels tied to through her ancestor's matespritship; Eridan, who she engages in a relationship with out of duty towards her lusus and a little through her ancestor's kismesitude as well, her ex-moirail Kanaya, and Terezi, who she's partnered with and has a revenge cycle to be fulfilled with.

    Jonaya: Doc Scratch had his felty, gross little puppet hands all over the Scourge/Charge rivalry. Encouraging Aradia to haunt Vriska and Vriska to get her revenge in turn. Terezi manipulates Scratch who then uses Vriska as a weapon of his own revenge. Here we see one of our recurring Vriska points: that they are often influenced and groomed by a creepy older adult, usually a man, with his own goals for her growth.

    Bucky: Vriska tries very hard to emulate Mindfang throughout her arc, pretty much right up until and a bit after she meets Aranea in the dream bubbles. She finds the journal early, after it lands from a meteor, and uses it to locate her Fluorite Octet. This journal is what Vriska uses to guide her life for the next several sweeps. She strives to be as cool and strong and badass as Mindfang wrote herself to be, and models her FLARP character after this long-dead troll. Mindfang is pretty empowering to Vriska at the time, giving her a character to roleplay her confidence through.

    Jonaya: As KC Brush Bandit once said, a Vriska will often comphet on some boy. Honestly, I'm inclined to agree. Whatever the specific reason, the idea that you, as a girl, are required to have a relationship with a dude is often a smaller, but definitely important, aspect of the Vriska experience. In the end, the whole process is something that causes nothing but harm to the Vriska in question.

    Bucky: Speaking of vicious women, I want to talk about Terezi now. Another extremely important Vriskaracteristic is that she has a complicated, turbulent, and emotional relationship with Terezi Pyrope. They are friends to enemies to lovers, and I did say that in the right order. Vriska seems to measure her own self perception to some extent by how Terezi views her. She's way more insecure than she wants to let on, constantly seeking attention and approval in the way abused kids do. Part of that involves latching onto her best friend's perception of her. Vriska wants to do the right thing in my opinion because ultimately, she wants to prove to Terezi that she can end up doing the most just and right thing because it's what she's meant to do.

    Jonaya: Vriskas are, without exception, contentious characters. Both within the context of the narrative and in the broader context of discussion of the media, Vriskas inspire arguments wherever they go! There's no such thing as a "safe" Vriska who everyone just kind of gets along with - this isn't Kanaya we're talking about here! See, one of the things about Vriskas is that they cause problems on purpose! It isn't just about the contention the character inspires, but the fact that it's ultimately the result of their own choices.

    Bucky: Also, one more important thing: Vriska is kind of oblivious. She's certainly not unintelligent or uninformed, but she just genuinely does not notice things that are pretty goddamned important because she already has an idea of how things should go. This ranges from "Thinking Kanaya had a crush on Tavros after the Pupa Pan incident went down" to "Not realizing your fairy dust trail will lead your biggest enemy back to your base to murder all of your friends." I love her. She's also an idiot.

    Jonaya: Shoutout to Sin for that one.

    Bucky: So, who are some of your favorite Vriskas in media?

    Jonaya: A great example of how a character can evolve to reveal themselves as the Vriska is Vanya from The Umbrella Academy. A character that starts off unassuming, with their role in the story obscured, gradually revealed to fit so many of our Vrischaracteristics! Vanya is a case study in how sometimes you can't just go with your gut and have to look at a character's arc over the course of the story and tease out the aspects of their character that truly make them the Vriska.

    Bucky: Someone like Vriska is Trish Walker from the Netflix Jessica Jones television show. She's initially unassuming, almost like an Aranea, but she's constantly in and taking the spotlight, and really, she does it for herself. She's also pretty damn devoted to Jessica, doing practically anything for her. On top of that, she throws herself into situation after situation she seems to get out of only due to sheer dumb luck. And honestly? She's a little bit of a rich bitch! Like a Vriska usually is!

    Jonaya: Probably my absolute favorite so far is Maeve, from the Westworld TV show. Constantly seeking to move herself into a position of knowledge and power to fulfill her own destiny, Maeve shares undeniable parallels with our favorite cerulean thief of light - to the point where we assigned her an identical classpect! She hits almost every single one of our criteria and we get to see enough of her character to really dig into her similarities to Vriska herself. And unlike some characters where we see only those surface-level similarities, we're shown a rich internal characterization that allows us to analyze her on a deeper level. So what does this all mean?

    Bucky: We basically wanted to do two things: Summarize how we approach Vriska as a character, and contribute to the ongoing discussion of the importance of Vriska. Over the course of our podcast, we haven't identified a lot of female characters who fit into our idea of what a Vriska is. I got fed pretty well by the wildly varying types of women in Homestuck, and going anywhere else feels like a let down almost every time. I want to keep pointing out who the Vriska is in the media we consume because I want to start noticing when more and more of them are women, and allowed to be messy.

    Jonaya: Vriska is a contentious character, and we're hoping that by breaking down how we identify a Vriska, we can add to the wider body of Vriskanalysis and maybe, someday, even see the creation of an entire field of Vriskology.

    Bucky: A character that is surrounded by discourse because of all of the different ways her actions can be interpreted isn't an idea unfamiliar to fandoms, and we're hoping this dive into what this sort of character can be is useful to the larger discussion of contentious characters and messy women.

    Jonaya: Diagnosing Vriskas is just one way we take the metaframeworks laid out in Homestuck and apply them to other pieces of media. We're really interested in the kinds of conclusions about stories we can arrive at by doing this, and hope this was a fun exploration of what that can entail.

    Bucky: Thanks for joining us on this journey, and remember...

    Jonaya: Maybe the real Vriska... is the frenemies we made along the way.
---
Track: Moonsniffers
Artists:
- gungangineer
Cover Artists:
- Ee Va How
Duration: 04:43
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/moonsniffers
Referenced Tracks:
- Moonlight Sonata
Art Tags:
- Terezi
- Jade
Cover Art File Extension: jpg
---
Track: set-course praereptŏr
Directory: set-course-praereptor
Artists:
- Caelan Kier
Cover Artists:
- Siedlag
Duration: 04:05
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/set-course-praerept-r
# Sampled Tracks:
# - amen break? idk
Art Tags:
- Terezi
---
Track: Cronus Goes to the DMVW
Artists:
- Jonaya Riley
Cover Artists:
- YoItsCro
Duration: 05:36
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/cronus-goes-to-the-dmvw
Art Tags:
- Cronus
Lyrics: |-
    DMV Clerk: Next!

    Cronus: 'S'cuse me, ma'am?

    DMV Clerk: I said, next! Who the heck are you?

    Cronus: Cronus Ampora, babe. I'm here to... apply for a driver's license!

    DMV Clerk: Oh my day is going great. How do you spell that?

    Cronus: C-R-O

    DMV Clerk: Never mind, I'll manage.

    Cronus: No, not with... good enough. Thank you very much, ma'am. Cronus with a "K", Emperor... hmm... nice. Okay, gotta study this stuff real quick... doesn't matter... doesn't matter... the fuck is a stop sign? Sounds fake... doesn't matter. You know what? I got this shit! I'll just let my natural talents take over.

    DMV Clerk: Okay, time for the written test. You can read, can't you?

    Cronus: You got it, babe! I'll just come right on over and pass that test real quick!

    DMV Clerk: You'll have twenty minutes to complete the test. It's only ten questions and all of them were explained in your... give me that! You're not allowed to have the manual with you!

    Cronus: Wait? What do you mean? I'll have it with me while I'm driving, right?

    DMV Clerk: What? You plan to stop and reference it whenever your brain gets confused?

    Cronus: No, you don't understand! I mean right up there in the window! That way it blocks the sun AND I can read all the-

    DMV Clerk: You can't see... you do realize that seeing the road is a key part of driving, right?

    Cronus: What do you mean? Why does that...

    DMV Clerk: God... good luck, Mr. Emperor. [laughter]

    Cronus: Why are you laughing? I'm no dummy - Cronus Emporer knows how to get the job done! Okay, Cronus, you got this! It's easy... just use your smart brain... your smart, smart brain. "A stop sign has how many sides?" That's easy - signs only have two sides – front and back! [laughs] Or was it inside and outside? That's still only two sides! How was I ever worried about this?

    DMV Clerk: Well, you just barely passed... if only in the most technical sense of the word?

    Cronus: Excuse me? What do you mean, "just barely passed and only in the most technical sense of the word?"

    DMV Clerk: Never mind that. You still have to pass the driving test.

    Cronus: Driving test?

    DMV Clerk: What precisely did you think this was? A Wendy's? An art school?

    Cronus: I figured I take your test, maybe slip you a twenty and my phone number, we call it even and y'all give me one of them shiny licenses with my picture on it!

    DMV Clerk: That is... very wrong... Okay, now do you remember the first step?

    Cronus: The first step of driving is... gun it!

    DMV Clerk: What? No! Put your damn seatbelt on!

    Cronus: [laughs] Yeah, I was just kidding, babe. They don't call me Cronus Emporer... Ampora for nuthin'!

    DMV Clerk: What does that even MEAN?!

    Cronus: Okay, now we gun it!

    DMV Clerk: No! Now you explain in great detail how you're going to drive this car more than twenty feet without killing both of us!

    Cronus: Okay, so the first step is you gotta push the accelerationator all the way to the floor...

    Cronus: ...and that's when you turn the wheel left and right as fast as you can while singing the words to Billy Idol's hit song "White Wedding" at the top of your lungs and hanging out the window!

    DMV Clerk: That's how you...

    Cronus: Parallel park.

    DMV Clerk: Parallel park?

    Cronus: Yep.

    DMV Clerk: Mr. Emperor... Cronus?

    Cronus: Yes'm!

    DMV Clerk: Do you have access to, or do you foresee gaining access to, a motor vehicle in the near future?

    Cronus: Nope – I don't got a car yet, babe!

    DMV Clerk: And why do you want a driver's license?

    Cronus: Chicks love that shit. Dudes too. I can flash it and be like... "yeah, I can drive anytime I want to!" Also you can buy 'em drinks and stuff with it. Then they'll drive you places.

    DMV Clerk: But you don't actually care about driving?

    Cronus: Nah, that's a hassle. I'll just get my buddies to give me a ride.

    DMV Clerk: So... if I were to issue you a license which was, hypothetically, restricted in such a way that it legally prohibited you from driving any vehicle with a combined gross weight more than zero pounds, you wouldn't be... upset?

    Cronus: Combined what now?

    DMV Clerk: You wouldn't legally be able to drive anything that weighs more than a feather.

    Cronus: But it'd still have my picture on it?

    DMV Clerk: Yes.

    Cronus: And it'd be all glossy and stuff?

    DMV Clerk: Yes.

    Cronus: And I could use it to buy booze with?

    DMV Clerk: Uh... technically... yes?

    Cronus: Sold.

    DMV Clerk: Congratulations, Mr. Emperor, you are now officially licensed to not drive. Go inside to have your picture taken and get your ID card. Now please get the hell out of the car and never come back.

    Cronus: That's right... Cronus got a license, baby! [laughs]
---
Track: Flushed Again
Artists:
- articulatelyComposed
Cover Artists:
- CassandraOOC
Duration: 04:45
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/flushed-again
Art Tags:
- Latula
- Damara
- Meulin
- Mituna
- Rufioh
- Kurloz
Lyrics: |-
    [Meulin]
    My love, I forgive you
    For silencing my world
    And my love, I'm sorry
    For running when it wasn't your fault at all
    I wish you hadn't taken it out on yourself
    To this day
    And now no one can hear your voice again,
    Not like I could hear it anyway

    But we were perfect together
    No upset whatsoever
    We were perfect together
    If only it could have lasted forever
    But it's over now
    The guilt may never leave
    But I hope we'll be flushed again
    Someday

    [Latula]
    My love, I forgive you
    For your trouble forming thoughts
    But my love, I'm sorry
    For how I couldn't make it there it time
    I wish I could have saved you
    Kept your mind at bay
    And now no one can understand your words
    Though I don't care about about that anyway

    But we were perfect together
    No upset whatsoever
    We were perfect together
    If only it could have lasted forever
    But it's over now
    The guilt may never leave me
    But I know we can be flushed again
    Someday

    [Kurloz] If I would share my voice with you it would invade your mind
    [Mituna] Thank you for staying by my side, now I'm not left behind
    [Rufioh] I never meant to hurt you so severely

    I can't take this eternity, I want those days back again

    [Damara]
    My love, forgive me
    For wishing you were dead
    And my love, I'm sorry
    For laughing while you just laid there and bled
    I wish I could have thought of better ways
    To make you stay
    And now you think I'm an awful person
    Though everyone thought that anyway

    But we were perfect together
    No upset whatsoever
    We were perfect together
    If only it could have lasted forever
    But it's over now
    The guilt may never leave me
    [Meulin] But I hope we can be flushed again
    [Latula] I know we can be flushed again
    [Damara] I know we'll never be flushed again

    Someday
---
Track: Serenity's Haiku
Artists:
- YoItsCro
Cover Artists:
- YoItsCro
Duration: 00:38
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/serenitys-haiku
Art Tags:
- Serenity
Lyrics: |-
    ... - --- .-. .. . ... / .- .-. . / .-.. .. -.- . / .-.. .. --. .... - ---... / - .... . -.--
    .-- .. .-.. .-.. / --. ..- .. -.. . / ..- ... / - --- .-- .- .-. -.. / - .... . / . -. -..
    .- ... / .-- . / ... - .- .-. . / -... .-.. .- -. -.- .-.. -.-- / .-.-.-

    (<i>Stories are like light:</i>)
    (<i>They guide us toward the end</i>)
    (<i>As we stare blankly.</i>)
---
Track: Vriska's Dragon
Artists:
- Funk McLovin
Cover Artists:
- awsomfaic
Duration: 06:06
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/vriskas-dragon
Art Tags:
- Rose
- Vriska
Lyrics: |-
    VRISKA: Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well! If it isn't my favor8 human! Or at least, the human that makes me want to tear my horns out the least.

    (Vriska Serket leaned in the doorway, her lips pulled into a grin that Rose Lalonde found more grating than sand in her trunks. She didn't turn in her seat to face Vriska, but her shoulders tensed as soon as she heard that voice.)

    ROSE: Hello, Vriska. Please, by all means, come in. Make yourself at home. You needn't bother knocking.

    Vriska could practically taste the sarcasm emanating off Rose, even though her back was still turned. Unfortunately for Rose, where a lesser woman may have balked, Vriska took Rose's scathing disingenuity as an open invitation.

    VRISKA: Roooooooose! We're pals, right? 8uddies? Chums? Friends? Amigos? Compadres? Associates?

    Rose finally turned in her office chair to face the spider-troll, voice only coated with the thinnest veneer of politeness, hostility bubbling under the surface.

    ROSE: I'm very impressed you seem to have memorized that particular thesaurus page, Vriska, but I urge you to get to the point, to save us both some time.

    Again, Vriska was bafflingly and frustratingly immune to Rose's usual icy volley.

    VRISKA: You know what they say, Rose. A friend in need is a friend indeed! That must mean I'm one gr8 friend today! 8ecause I need your help, 8AD. You'd help your old friend Vriska, wouldn't you? ::::)

    Rose felt very much like she should not humor Vriska, but she took the 8ait.

    ROSE: What is it you need help with, Vriska?

    She spoke slowly, deliberately, trying to impress exactly how exhasperated she was, even in giving Vriska this concession. Vriska beamed like a child who'd just been told they were permitted to go to a friend's house to sleep over.

    VRISKA: Well, you're good at magic, right, Rose?

    The question was ridiculous, but Rose, again, against her better judgment, followed Vriska's grinning visage down whatever rabbit hole Vriska was intent to pull her into.

    ROSE: Yes, Vriska. I am "good at magic." The point, please?

    VRISKA: The 8EST at magic, I 8et. I need some help with finding something.

    Rose hated to admit it to herself, but this blueblooded bitch had a way of drawing out her curiosity. Best not let Vriska see that, though.

    ROSE: Do you keep trailing off for a reason, or are you just stringing me along because you're getting paid by the hour to hassle me?

    VRISKA: Hahahaha! Jeez, Rose, lighten up! I figured you'd leap at the chance to help a gal out. Fine! Since you're such a 8oring dingus, I'll just tell you. I need help finding my dragon.

    Rose crossed her legs. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Vriska was not talking about a mythical beast. Problem was, Rose had no fucking idea what Vriska WAS talking about.

    ROSE: Your... dragon.

    VRISKA: My dragon. I lost it!

    Drat. Rose couldn't extract any more context.

    ROSE: And what pray tell, Vriska, is a "dragon"?

    As soon as the words left her lips, Rose knew she had fucked up. Catastrophically. Vriska's grin became uncontainable, spreading on her face as though in slow motion before breaking into a laughing bout of words.

    VRISKA: You know, Rose. A "dragon".

    Rose was helpless to stop it. She'd never been physically assaulted by Vriska, but she felt like this was the closest she'd ever come.

    VRISKA: When I'm "dragon" DEEZ NUTS across your face!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

    The eruption of laughter sent Rose's head spining. She clutched the arms of the seat for balance, mouth gaping, eyes unfocused and hazy. Her inner ear failed her, her mind twisting helplessly as though in free-fall. Vriska's remaining guffaws and yuks were muffled, like they were a world away.

    VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Oh, MAN, Rose! You should have seen the look on your face!

    Rose snapped back to reality suddenly, her teeth clenched. She HAD to make a comeback. She HAD to muster something to save face. She couldn't LOSE to this heinous 8itch!

    ROSE: Yeah? Well, your mother-

    Fuck. Fuck! Rose, you dope. You cretin. You schlemiel!! Trolls don't HAVE moms, that's weak-sauce.

    ROSE: Your mother was- So fat.

    No!!! No,. Rose couldn't stop the words from coming out of her mouth, her face burning red like the surface of the most shameful sun.

    ROSE: -that she. Cracked the pavement, occasionally, while on a stroll.

    Vriska blinked.

    VRISKA: Uh. Yeah, Rose. That's literally true. She weighed five tons.

    Rose swallowed, thickly, with some difficulty.

    ROSE: Oh. Right.

    The tension in the air was more horrific than the result of the original joke. Vriska stood tense in the doorway and Rose felt like five tons herself in the office chair.

    VRISKA: So, uh.

    ROSE: Ahem.

    The duo were motionless for a few more drawn out moments before Vriska silently shuffled away.
---
Track: Young Timaeus
Artists:
- AE
Cover Artists:
- AE
Duration: 05:07
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/young-timaeus
---
Track: Hey, what do you think about this as a title for a track?
Artists:
- gungangineer
Cover Artists:
- GlassesBlu
Duration: 03:22
URLs: 
- https://zinestuck.bandcamp.com/track/hey-what-do-you-think-about-this-as-a-title-for-a-track
Referenced Tracks:
- The La2t Frontiier
Art Tags:
- Sollux
- Bees
